subject: Coping With Criticism [print this page] As a motivational speaker I've had my share of criticism. My programs are often formally evaluated by the audience. It's amazing how one harsh review can negate a large stack of accolades.
Criticism feels like a knife wound and heals more slowly. It demoralizes us. And although most criticism is directed at behavior, we usually take it as feedback on our entire being. Because criticism is so unpleasant, we often miss out on its benefits.
Former American Idol judge Simon Cowell has been harshly criticized for his, well, criticism. It's unlikely Simon will ever be a motivational speaker. The guy pulls no punches. He is brutal and direct and for that America hates him (which we love to do). But if contestants listen closely, they'd see he's the most helpful judge. There's no need to interpret his comments as you might with the sweetened banter from other judges. From Simon comes the most honest, useful feedback.
It may not feel good, but criticism is necessary for growth. With a little discipline, you can minimize the pain and maximize the benefits.
Control your response. You may immediately feel hurt and defensive. Resist these feelings. Take a deep breath and wait a moment so you can hear the comment with a clear head.
Listen to what's being said, not how it's being said. Sometimes good constructive criticism is soured with harsh language or an unpleasant tone of voice. Separate the emotion from the information.
Consider the source. What's behind this person's comments? Do they have a legitimate concern, or are they responding to something inside themselves? In one speech I shared with the audience my confusion over being diagnosed with cancer when I was only 22 years old. "How can I get cancer?" I thought. "I didn't smoke. I didn't use drugs. I wasn't an old person. That's who I thought gets cancer."
After my speech a woman came up and ripped into me for being offensive to the elderly. My reference to an "old person" suggested that older people are something to be mocked. This couldn't have been further from my intent, and people around me were equally confused by the woman's comment. As we talked, it came out that her elderly mother had been alone during Hurricane Katrina. She was very worried about her fragile state and felt defensive for her.
Criticism reveals more about the critic than it does about you. People are sensitive to different things and sometimes we may unintentionally strike a nerve. Respect their feelings, but don't assume you've crossed a line.
Get other opinions. One Arab proverb states, "If one person calls you a donkey, forget it. If five people call you a donkey, buy a saddle."
Resist Arguing. You have nothing to prove, and you're probably not going to change someone's mind, especially when they're overcome with emotion. Simply nod your head and thank them for their comments.
Look for the truth. The critic may be right. If you can resist getting defensive, you may hear something that will help you get better.
Don't take it personally. At most it's something you've done not who you are.
Just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true. Most criticism can be ignored. But you also don't want to miss out on useful feedback. Keep an open mind and look for the lesson. Be grateful for any chance to improve.
