subject: Saying NO To Peer Pressure [print this page] Saying NO To Peer Pressure. Saying NO To Peer Pressure.
Did you know that your children's friends have more influence over them than you do much of the time? That will be the topic of today's writing. My name is Linda Mautz, and I have had lots of (sometimes painful) experience
this area. I'm sure that if you have visited my website, you too may be seeking some answers. Well you have come to the right place. I have worked with children and parents for many years, along with raising my own children and stepchildren with my husband. We have made many mistakes, but you know what? Children are so very resilient through it all. That is fortunate, but sometimes we as parents still would like to have some answers to help our children avoid many of the pitfalls. We all learn from our mistakes, but avoiding fatal ones would be to everyone's
advantage, right?!
Peers affect not only your child's tastes, but also their feelings and attitudes. They also can lead them into trouble. Why do children give in to peer pressure? Well, it can happen because of (1) a need to be liked by others or (2) low self esteem and insecurity about their own ability to make rational decision.Children's friends are often more approachable than their parents, they have shared interests, and they receive more positive reactions and are accepted more readily when they misbehave. A group in which kids have the same interests and goals are more open with each other than in a family setting.
So how do we teach children confidence and assertiveness in the first place, before they are old enough to realize and appreciate these qualities of their peer group?
-First, we need to allow our children to express their feelings and opinions. That does not mean to accept disrespectful or out of control behavior in the process.
-Second, we need to use constructive criticism about their actions, not about their feelings or who they are.
-Third, we need to build self-esteem. That is trusting them to do what is right, praising good decisions and acceptable behaviors. Again it does not mean praising every single thing they should be doing on a daily basis, but at least those things that you know they have been working on and deserve recognition for. It does not mean praising only effort without accomplishment.
-Fourth. Teach your child to say "no" if something is unacceptable to them. Give them choices among things you feel are or should be acceptable and appropriate for their age. If they are never allowed to say "no" at home, then how are they to learn boundaries to tell others "no" outside the family. Encourage your child to stand up for his or her beliefs. And also teach them what manipulation is and how to be assertive using "I" statements or being a "broken record" about what they believe is right or wrong.
-Last, but not least, Children need to be taught to look at both long-term and short-term consequences of their actions. Saying something simple like "what do you think will happen if" can make the child stop and
take notice before acting.
Remember that Saying "no" as a parent also is a good modeling tool. Do not argue, but state your case softly and assertively, and let your child know what you expect to they will be able to use your example with their
friends. Saying "no" does not mean we are not good parents, but it does mean we are setting our kids up for success in life. They too will realize they will build longer-lasting friendships and become stronger individuals.
