subject: There's a Snake in My Yard! [print this page] SNAKE!! SNAKE!!
Utter it. Speak it. Shout it. And the result? Ultimate pandemonium. Complete chaos. Panic. Riots in the streets. Women screaming. Children Crying. Grown men running in terror. Citizens arming themselves with steel rakes and hoes; some with weapons of mass destruction. All with one thing in mind: to kill this cold-blooded, scaly, slithering, heartless son- of-a.wait a second. That's a lawyer. Story for another time.
Anyway, get a hold of yourself! Calm down! Take a deep breath. You okay now? Good.
I'm going out on a limb here but did you know that snakes are one of the most helpful and misunderstood creatures known to mankind? And I know what you are saying, "You got to be kidding?"
Yeah, I am. But first, let's look at a few things and maybe you too may appreciate these fine cretins of horror:
1. Why is a snake in my yard?
Simple. Food!
What kind of food? Well, namely those nasty disease carrying, flea infested, scampering creatures of unpleasantness called rats. Big, ugly, disgusting, quick to multiply, stinking rats! Some people call them mice. But they're rats! You can spend a fortune to eradicate these rats from your home but then you will have more problems. When the rats are gone the snakes will get hungry and then they'll come into your house looking for handouts. So leave the rats alone and the snakes will keep them in check.
Some snakes eat spiders. You know those humongously large creepy crawly 8-legged black things. Nothing worse than one of them surprising you with their presence by crawling up your leg or arm. Snakes can take care of them too.
In describing these eating habits of snakes I used "snake" in the plural. If you have one snake your yard you may have a hundred. And that might mean there is a feeding frenzy going on in and around your home.
2. What kinds of snakes eat rats and spiders?
I have no idea. But it's probably a good idea to leave all your snakes alone just in case all of them eat those rats and spiders.
3. Do snakes eat people?
Just the anacondas. I saw the movie. But anacondas live in South America so don't go there.
4. What should I do if I see a snake in my yard?
I generally tell my neighbor's wife. This can be real fun. This is what I do, "Hey Cathy! I got a snake over here". Cathy then screams. She doesn't run just yet. Then I say, "Man, this thing must be 3 foot long". Now she runs; and still screaming. She runs inside her house and slams the door. I can barely hear the screaming now. I try to find snakes on Sundays.
I have a friend of mine that used to be a plumber. If he stayed in that business he would have retired 10 years ago. But one day, while working as a plumber, he had to go in a crawl space of a home to do plumbing stuff. While he was in there he saw a snake. Listening to him to describe the incident is like listening to a fisherman describing the fish that got away; you know, the fish the size of Jaws. Anyway, he says this snake was 20 feet long and had 3 inch fangs. It was probably just 3 feet long and had 20 very small teeth, if it had teeth at all. The next day my friend became an auto mechanic.
He's still working.
5. Where do snakes come from?
The ones I have in my yard came from other neighbor's yards. So I would think your snakes came from your neighbor's yards too. How they got in the neighbor's yards in the first place I have no idea. Maybe they left your yard and went over there. It's a never ending cycle.
One time I was mowing the my back yard and I saw this Black snake crawling diagonally across the lawn from one of my neighbor's yard making a bee-line to the underside of my deck. He was a determined little guy, all 5 or 6 foot of him. And he wasn't even intimidated by the lawn mower. I had to stop mowing or I would have run all over the poor thing. I guess he saw a big rat.
6. How big do snakes get?
All of them get big. Many are big at birth. It's just that some snakes are bigger than others. And get this; snakes are much bigger in dark places, like those crawl spaces.
And baby snakes are not like other baby animals either, like puppies and kittens and baby elephants.
Here's a scenario with an elephant: "Oh honey! Look at the baby elephant. Can we take him home?"
And here's a scenario with a baby snake: "A snake!!! Kill it!!!
7. Do snakes bite?
You bet! But don't give a snake a reason to, like stepping on him whether intentional or not. That's the reason I don't walk in my yard at night. That and the fact that my dog poops in the yard.
And don't throw stones and sticks at snakes. Snakes don't like any of those things either. If someone threw stones and sticks at you wouldn't you want to bite somebody? Here's a helpful tidbit: Don't aggravate a snake. Ever! Even a harmless Black snake will bite you if you try to pick him up and shoo him out of your yard with a steel rake. And what are you going to do with that snake even if you do get him to stay on that rake? Put him in your neighbor's yard? He was probably going there in the first place.
8. Are there other aspects of snakes I should know?
Yeah, they climb trees and bushes. Particularly those decorative bushes around your home with branches close to the ground. Remember that 6-foot Black snake I mentioned? Well, this past spring he decided to visit Cathy's yard and up he climbed into a big green decorative bush. One day Cathy was raking the mulch around that bush. I said, "Hey Cathy! Did you know that snakes climb trees and bushes"? AAAaaaaHHhhh!!!! SLAM!! I should have waited to tell her that on a Sunday.
So I hope you learned something today about these little creatures of the earth. Snakes are nothing to fear at all. If you can handle them you can handle a lawyer.
