subject: What Should A Letter Say When You're Trying To Save Your Marriage? [print this page] The other day, Ireceived an email from a wife who asked me for help in drafting "a letter to my husband that will tell him that I want to save the marriage." I actually get this request quite a bit. It can be very tempting to write a letter. You don't have to worry that you're going to be interrupted or that you willbreak down or not communicate what you are trying to say very clearly.
And sometimes, in the beginning of the process, a letter can really help you to clearly communicate what you want to say, but you have to be careful here. You don't want to rely on words rather than action. In order to really be able to save the marriage, you will need to follow through with your promises. Otherwise, your husband will begin to tune you out so that no matter what magic or flowery words you put into the letter, they really do not mean anything if you don't follow them up and make real changes. None the less, in the following article, I will offer tips and advice to help you to say the correctthings in this "save my marriage" letter to your husband.
Outlining Exactly How You Are Going To Save The Marriage In Your Letter:Of course, your first inclination might be to tell him that you love him and that the way that things are going are hurting you both. You may want to saythat your goal is to get back on track so that things are more like they were when you were dating. All of these points can score you his attention, but here's what he really wants to know. This is very important. He really wants to know why things are going to be different this time.
Because he's likely thinking that you are on a troubling path where things really do not change for the better and that the two of you have lost your closeness, don't relate in the same way, and have been drifting apart. Now, many women will go ahead and make a huge mistake here. This is where they will tell him that they are committed to "working with him" to save the marriage. And, yes, this is what you will ultimately have to do. But, in this letter of yours, you REALLY need to think about how your husband is going to perceive and react to what you are saying.
If what you are proposing is "work," then how receptive do you think he's really going to be? He may well want to save the marriage as much as you do, but if what you present to him sounds like drudgery and more of the same, he's not likely to be as enthusiastic as you need for him to be.
What you're really wanting to accomplish is to remind him of how magical things used to be between you and to then tell him how you are going to get the two of you back to this place. (Hint: It's often not by "working" on your problems or your marriage.) What you outline should sound appealing and fun. You want to reconnect with him and introduce more fun and excitement in your life. You want to bond with him over things that you both enjoy. You want to take a few risks, shake things up, and relate in new and better ways.
How To Give Him The Marriage Saving Letter And How To Follow It Up:Many women will just leave the letter on his windshield or on the kitchen table after they leave for work. They are hoping to avoid awkward pauses and / or confrontations. I understand this, but Ifeel that you are better off saying a few words and giving it to him in person. You'll just want to hold the letter, look into his eyes, and tell him that you put your feelings down on paper as you found this easier and you would like for him to read it when he is ready.
Once he has read the letter, this should pave the way to smoother communication. However, it is so important that you follow up what you've said with quick and decisive action. Words will only take you so far. They can certainly pave the way. But, it is lasting and real action that is going to really save this marriage.
I wrote my own "save my marriage letter" when I was trying to get my husband to see things my way. Unfortunately, I did not follow it up with the appropriate action. As a result, I thought my marriage was truly at it's end. We had seemingly tried everything from counseling to trips to a trial separation. Thankfully, even though I had doubts, I decided to try one last thing, to give a little more, and to approach it from another angle (by focusing on my own time and efforts) and this eventually worked. You can reada very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
What Should A Letter Say When You're Trying To Save Your Marriage?
