subject: How To Get Your Husband Back After A Separation: Step By Step [print this page] Over the weekend, Ireceived an email from a wife who told me that she had read several of my articles that outline getting your husband back, saving your marriage, and avoiding a divorce. She agreed with and was excited by several of the suggestions that Ioffered, but she wanted for me to break it down for her a little bit more. She asked for a "sort of cheat sheet" that outlined the specific steps that a wife needs to take to get her husband back. So, in the following article, I will share with you the steps that I outlined for her.
Step Number One Of Getting Your Husband To Want You Back: Let The Separation Work For Rather Than Against You: Here is the biggest mistake that I see women make. Once the husband actually leaves or begins the separation, then the wife, quite understandably, panics, and begins to hold on even tighter. Now, the husband clearly wants a break right now. This does not mean that he will always feel this way. But, right now, he's asked for some time to process this situation and to think. If you follow along with what you feel like you want to do and call, text, and plant yourself in front of him every chance you get, then you've already set it up so that the two of you are on opposing sides. This is not where you want to be.
I really do understand that it's 100% natural to want to know how, and what, he is doing. You wonder where his thoughts and feelings are going and if they include you. Plus, you worry that he's going to meet someone else or decide that he is better off without you. I know that these things feel quite risky and immediate. I know that you feel horribly vulnerable right now. I know these things because I was in the same situation. Because of this, I can tell you without a doubt that if you give into these feelings and impulses that are calling to you to follow him around (literally and figuratively,) he will likely resist this and see you as something that is getting in the way of him getting what he has asked for.
I know that you probably understand this intellectually but are having a lot harder time embracing this emotionally. If you have to, think of it like this. What is in your best interest is acting in the way that is going to make him see you in such a way that is going to make him want to come back to you. Scarcity is going to contribute to this more than excess. Just vow to take a break and do something else when you have the urge to contact him yet again. Let the time and space work for you rather than becoming yet another obstacle between the two of you.
Step Number Two In Getting Him Back: Identify The Perception Problem That You Have And Fix It In A Positive Way: Many people will look at this process without seeing the problem that they really are facing and therefore must overcome. I know that there are multiple problems that may have lead up to this. You will not be able to fix all of them while you are separated, nor should you attempt to. In fact, attempting to fix everything will likely hurt your cause rather than help it. Because many times, men read this as yet more work they have to do or more hoops that they have to jump through.
In reality, your biggest problem right now is one of perceptions. Right now, he is toying with the idea that he might be better off with you than with out you. And, he might be wanting this break because in his mind, things can not change at least not in a meaningful and lasting way. So you have two obstacles. You want to show him that he's not better off without you. And, you want to show him that things can change. These two things may seem like a tall order, but luckily, they are very similar and the things that can help one, can also help the other.
Now, notice that I said you must fix these perceptions in a positive way. This is so very important. It is just human nature (especially for men) to avoid or leave things that come at them negatively. Yes, we women feel this to be passive aggressive. But, it is a reality that we must face. You will get much better results, and have a much easier time, if you focus and build on the positive rather than the negative. Focus on what is right and what you can use to bring you closer together.
Yes, being separated is scary and notprobably not what you wanted, but if you let the fear move you toward negativity, you are only going to highlight what he's already focusing on. Instead, you want him focused on what is good about you and what draws him to you. And, there is nothing wrong with improving your relationship no matter what the outcome is. He is a hugely important person in your life and no matter what, you should want for this relationship to be a positive one. This is not as hopeless as you may think, because you already know what he loves about you.
So, these are precisely the things that you want to show him right now. You want for him to see that light hearted, busy, dynamic, and exciting woman that he fell in love with and was scared was long gone. Yes, this may be difficult when your heart is breaking, but you must do it for both your benefit and for the benefit of the relationship.
Step Number Three: Move Slowly And Let Him Come To You When You Can: Honestly, the kind of progress that you are looking for will not likely happen over night. And, you can not come on too strongly or you may well scare him away. Continue to show him (or let it leak to him) that you are moving forward with the best version of your self. Remain busy and continue being positive. This will often peak his interest. When this happens, begin letting him take the lead. As Isaid, things that are scarce appear to be much more attractive and desirable than things that are way too plentiful. This is a seemingly simple concept but it is much harder to carry out. However, if you play it right, it works most of the time, in my experience.
When I was trying to get my husband back, I made many of the mistakes discussed in this article. I stalked, begged, threatened, tried to overcompensate, and acted very badly. These things back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course, follow the steps I just outlined for you, and save the marriage. You can reada very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
How To Get Your Husband Back After A Separation: Step By Step
