subject: Is It True That An Affair Can Strengthen Your Marriage? [print this page] I often get emails from women who are devastated by their husband's affair. Once they are able to see through some of the hurt and devastation, they are left knowing that they don't want to throw away their marriage or harm their family over one mistake. Although they know that dark and difficult days ahead, they want to save their marriage. But, they also want to know that it's going to be worth it in the end. I'm often asked things like "is it true that an affair can sometimes make your marriage stronger?; or "could my marriage actually improve if I focus on making it so?" I'll answer these questions in the following article.
If You Want Your Marriage To Be Strengthen After An Affair, You Have To Put In The Time, Effort, And Hard Work: This often seems like an unfair truth, but it exists just the same. There is a tendency to know for certain that going through infidelity is so painful and trying, that you absolutely deserve for things to work themselves out and be whole as a consolation for all of this.
You are absolutely right that you deserve a happy ending. You did not deserve any of this and it is only fair that things work out as you want them to. Unfortunately, this is going to take some effort from both you and your spouse. The affair did not happen inside of a bubble. There was a reason (or reasons) for this. These contributing factors must be identified, dealt with, and then safeguarded from future harm. If these things don't happen, then you are rebuilding on a house of cards that is vulnerable to harm whenever any stressors rear their ugly heads (which they undoubtedly will.)
So, while I concede that you are right to want it to work out and that it most certainly can be OK down the road, know that there is going to be some meaningful give and take, understanding, work, and vulnerability that lies in the days ahead.
Why An Affair Actually Can Strengthen Your Marriage: Now that I've expressed the bad news, let me share the good. Every day, I hear from people who have moved forward with dignity and strength and who are much stronger and happier as the result. Sure, it's not always that much fun to strip the marriage down, examine it, admit where it's not working, and then rebuild from the ground up, but you know what? This is the right way to do it and many of us put this off until we can no longer do so.
An affair is often the heads up that many of us need to take decisive action and to actually do what we've known that we've needed to do all along. It's a call to arms that can not be ignored. And, it often shows both people just how close they were to losing everything and just how awful this feels. So, as the result, both people roll up their sleeves and come to the table ready to put forth the time and effort that they may have delayed or made excuses for before.
Suddenly, it becomes very evident that you can no longer coast, that you can no longer take your spouse for granted, and that you can no longer just assume that everything will work out because you are married and love each other. In short, it's clear that it's time to get down to business, but the good news is that in doing so, you have the opportunity and ability to create the marriage that you always wanted.
Defining The Marriage That You Want And Deserve: Make sure that you demand that some very definite good comes out of a bad situation. This is a rare opportunity to redefine the norms and omissions in your marriage until it better suits the both of you. Really take the time to be honest about what isn't working and what it will take to make you happy and fulfilled. Accept the same from your partner and accept nothing less.
The real key to having a stronger marriage after infidelity is creating something new and better to look forward to. If the only prize at the end of the tunnel is the same vulnerable marriage, then you really are selling yourself short. If you're going to move forward with confidence, trust, and enthusiasm then you must know that you won't be dealing with this again in the future since you are both happy. Accept nothing less. You deserve this and more, but you must put for the effort to make it so.
I know that having a strong marriage again after the cheating seems a far way off, but it might be closer than you think. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can reada very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/.
Is It True That An Affair Can Strengthen Your Marriage?
