subject: Will My Husband Come Back After Cheating? Tips And Advice That May Help [print this page] The other day, I got a pretty heartbreaking email from a wife whose husband had been unfaithful. Although he claimed that thecheating was over, he had moved out for a while saying he "needed a break to sort things out." The wife was beside herself wondering if he would ever come back and return home. She asked for my advice as to whether there was anything that she could do, anything that she should say, or any letter that she could write to encourage him to come back. My advice to her was geared more toward focusing on herself rather than on him at this time. I'll tell you what I told her in the following article.
I Know You Want Your Husband To Come Home After The Cheating, But Don't Rush This Process: Dealing with and healing from an affair is very difficult. The pain is something that you don't want hanging around for too long. There is a real temptation to try to "get things back to normal" before you are really ready to do that simply because dealing with the outstanding issues is just so painful that you would rather avoid this.
If you are so quick to take him back or to urge him to come home without first trying to work through the issues or demand that real changes be made, you are putting yourself at a great disadvantage. In order for this marriage to really be healed and to return to a healthy and fulfilling place, you both need to be on equal ground. If one person is fully committed to the marriage but the other is not, then any reconciliation is going to be touch and go at best.
Not only that, but even if you do manage to guilt or convince him to come back before he is ready, then you are always going to doubt if he really wants to be there. In order for your marriage to thrive after infidelity, a big road block that you are going to have to overcome is reestablishing the trust. This isn't likely if you deep down wonder if he really wants you or not.
Strengthening Yourself As A Means To Lure Him Back Home: It may not be the first thing that pops into your head, but the best course of action is taking some time not for him, but for you. So he wants some time apart to figure things out? Great, because you could use this time on yourself as well. I know that this is not what you want to focus on right now, but trust me when I say that you're going to be glad that you did later. It is the only way to lay the foundation that is necessary to set up tomorrow so that you are successful. Your real goal is to rebuild a healthy, happy, and fulfilling marriage for both of you, right? Well you can not do that if either of you still have any doubts or remaining issues. It's as important to work on yourselves individually as it is to work on the marriage jointly.
Having your husband cheat is awful on your self esteem and self worth. A woman who lacks confidence and who feels she isn't "good enough" is going to carry these issues with her when she tries to save the marriage. This is a losing game. You are in a much better position if you return back to relationship very clear on what you do and do not want and on what you absolutely deserve.
You will also appear much more attractive and appealing to your husband if you are clear on this yourself. You must get to a point where you know full well that you would and could be just fine without him, but that you want him because this is a careful choice that you made. Identify any doubts that you have about yourself which are holding you back and keeping you from being confident and then address them. This isn't selfish or a waste of time. This is laying the foundation that you will need in the future. If you do not believe yourself to be worthy, you will have a hard time demanding this of others.
Knowing When It's Time For Him To Come Back Home After The Cheating: I always advise couples to move excruciatingly slow. It's so much better to know without a doubt that you are both desperate for him to come back home than to allow him or beg him to come back and then to have it be an awkward disaster. Don't rush this process. Make sure that you are both clear on the fact that there is a lot of rebuilding to be done and that you owe it to yourselves to make sure that you address all of the issues so that you really can leave this behind you, confident that you are creating a mutually better, new, and more fulfilling marriage.
There is no doubt that an affair is painful and hard to overcome, but countless couples are able to do this every day. The real key is to not hide from the issues, to be open, honest and forthcoming, and to commit to create something that makes you want to move forward rather than hang back in the past.
I know that moving slowly and working on yourself may feel like going backwards but it isn't. I'm so glad I didn't skip this step. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can reada very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/.
Will My Husband Come Back After Cheating? Tips And Advice That May Help
