subject: Marriage Counseling - How to Prevent Your Differences From Breaking Your Relationship Apart [print this page] Men and women are different, very differentMen and women are different, very different. This may seem obvious, yet such a high number of people in dating and marriage relationships attempt to ignore or cover up this obvious fact. As a result, great numbers of men and women continue to measure the behaviour and attitudes of the opposite sex by their own gender standards. They may not be sure what their mate thinks or feels in a particular situation, so they retreat to what is familiar to them. What may be considered a normal behaviour pattern for men when communicating with each other, may in fact be the exact opposite for women. It's therefore vital to walk a mile in another person's shoes to gain perspective. In the case of dating and marriage relationships, it may require much more than a mile's walk, due to our vast differences.Imagine that a person is seeking to understand their mate better. They describe a situation that is troubling to them and then ask why their mate behaves in that particular manner. In response to their question, they receive a good logical answer. What do you think they often do next? Do they take the information and ponder it, think about how to work it into the fabric of their lives? Sadly, many don't. What far too many people do is attempt to fight the answer. They become defensive and instead of pondering the new information, they attack it. "Well that's not what a woman would do," or "that's not what a man would do."The language may be different than what I just used, but the message is clear...why does the opposite sex have to be so different and not more like us? Why can't women be more efficient when they talk, get to the point quicker? Why don't men get it, how come it's so difficult for him to understand what I'm trying to say?The problem is clear. Too many men and women are suffering unnecessary pain because they are measuring their mate by unrealistic standards. Their mate can't possibly meet the absurd expectations they are putting on them. Their spouse is getting the message that there is something wrong with them, that there's some sort of fatal flaw they've got. The spouse or mate that is being measured by unrealistic standards is highly likely to stop trying or in many cases, give up all together.Walking a mile in the the other spouse's shoes enables them to see things from a different perspective than just their own. As mentioned earlier, it will most likely require several miles to gain the valued perspective necessary to make the marriage more harmonious.Why are you together? The basis for failure in any human endeavour is fuzzy and unclear objectives or goals. This is also a very serious problem for dating and marriage relationships. Too often we believe that getting into the relationship is the ultimate goal. Once in the relationship we figure we've arrived, yet nothing could be further from the truth.The world we live in is far more complex than what our ancestors dealt with. The marriage relationship is also more complex and requires a much higher degree of skill than it did when our roles and responsibilities as husbands and wives were rigidly defined. Increasing their understanding of the communication patterns of the opposite sex is essential for men and women who want a happy marriage.A marriage must function as a team for it to be really effective. Intellectually we may agree with this point, yet so few of us have had the benefit of watching this level of team work in action. Truth be told, learning to work as a team in marriage is a much more challenging task than most people anticipate. The marriage relationship is full of more emotion than most other human relationships.Because of this emotional intensity, it's vital for a couple to learn how to work cooperatively together. As a couple and a family, they will be enabled to be succeed. The proper channelling of their emotions will also prevent them from tearing each other apart.To channel their collective passions, a couple needs clear objectives. They help the team see how beneficial their differences are. Good teams are diverse teams. Where one is strong, the other is weak.
Marriage Counseling - How to Prevent Your Differences From Breaking Your Relationship Apart
