subject: Why Is It Important To Be Aware Of Your Past Relationship Baggage? [print this page] Most of you have probably heard the term "past relationship baggage." No matter how many times we hear people say "I don't want to be with anyone with the baggage" we hardly ever acknowledge the fact that we are the ones who still carry our baggage around. Some people's baggage is heavier than others, but the truth is, we all have it until we properly deal with it. The only people who don't have the baggage are children before they enter the adolescent stage. Then they carry the baggage of their parents and older siblings.
What is the relationship baggage? Any hard feeling you may have about your past or current relationship, including but not limited to resentment, shame, guilt, disgust, anger or blame, if not dealt with, gets transformed into a self sabotaging negative belief. This belief then gets stored in your relationship baggage with a hurt or angry feeling still attached to it. You may not be aware of this belief or feeling for quite some time until someone or something triggers it. But when it does come up, it typically feels like an outburst because your stored feelings get mixed with the new ones. All your feelings associated with this belief will act like a fuel, making you even more frustrated over a situation that wouldn't normally bother someone else who has different beliefs.
Sometimes your baggage contents will be revealed in your conversations about past relationships. They may show up as bitterness in your voice when you talk about your ex or even when your new date wears similar outfit or displays the habit that reminds you of someone in your past. Other times it will show up as anger or frustration outbursts over a relatively small situation. In some extreme cases, you behavior may become abusive to your new partner or the person you're dating.
It is absolutely crucial to take care of you relationship baggage before you even consider yourself being ready to start dating again. As I mentioned before, some people's baggage is heavier than others but regardless of how heavy your baggage is, it is never too late and couldn't possibly hurt anything to deal with it now. In fact, it will open up a new space for you and your future relationships.
Many times when we don't deal with our past relationship baggage, our subconscious mind will sabotage all of our dating experience. We may feel lonely, needy and desperate, longing for sex and intimacy, but if we don't deal with our baggage we can't really be intimate with anyone until we do. What typically happens is, we get into "semi-relationships" we keep it at "just friends" or casual sex levels, keeping the other person at a safe distance or getting frustrated because the other person is emotionally unavailable to us. Anyone available who shows up in our lives at this stage will only scare us off because they are offering something to us we are not ready for. So we fall for unavailable people because they show us exactly what we are missing - an intimate relationship without any threat of commitment.
