subject: "I want to get back with my ex...but is it a good idea?" [print this page] By Susie and Otto Collins By Susie and Otto Collins
Candace can't stop thinking about her ex-husband. He kept telling her that he was going to file for divorce and move out, but she didn't think it would really happen.
Even though he has his own apartment and she is staring at the divorce papers she received in the mail today, Candace is still in denial. She just can't accept the fact that their marriage is over. More than anything else, Candace wants to get back together with her soon-to-be ex-husband.
When you are facing (or trying not to face) a relationship break up or divorce, you might feel the same way. Perhaps you envisioned yourself spending the rest of your life with your partner and now the relationship is over.
You might be brainstorming about ways you can win back your ex and regain the connection and love you once had together.
As relationship coaches, we hear from readers and coaching clients all of the time who are desperate to get back with their ex. This is understandable...but not always the wisest thing to do (or even to attempt).
The question you might want to ask yourself if you feel compelled to get back together again with your ex is this: "Is it truly in my best interest to get back with my ex?"
Look to the future.
For a moment, shift your attention away from the past and the relationship that ended and think about your future. What kind of a future do you want for yourself?
It is advisable to be general here and leave out the name or face of the partner you'd like to share this future with. Do be specific about how you want to feel, what you'd like to do, how you want your interaction and connection with others to be.
Remind yourself that you CAN create the future that you truly want, even if you do not get back together with your ex.
While there are some couples who do reunite and make significant changes to their habits so that they can have a healthier and "new" relationship together, this does not happen for everyone.
As much as you want to get back together again with your ex, you cannot force this. Take a step back and start to ask yourself if it is wise to actually reunite. If it is not, give yourself the chance to make completions with your past.
Stay open and keep your focus on your healing and your desired future.
"I want to get back with my ex...but is it a good idea?"
