subject: Being A Stepmother [print this page] Getting married is already stressful, but when children are involved it's even harder. Many questions are probably racing through your mind.
Will his kids like me? Will they listen to me or rebel? And where do you draw the line? The children will do everything to let you know that you are not the parent. Though hard, being a step parent doesn't have to be a lost cause.
Getting to know the kids
Making a relationship takes time. This is no different than a romantic union. This relationship cannot be built in a day. You can do some things to make this go along faster. Children are people, too. They, too, have fears and frustrations. If their mother died from an accident or disease, they are probably still grieving. They probably feel some guilt allowing you to take their mothers place.
If there mother is still living, the divorce may have been a difficult split for the entire family. An amicable divorce is a term used by movie stars to keep the gossip out of the papers, but the reality is that divorce makes everyone hurt and angry. The children get stuck in the middle and have to pick sides. Even if you weren't responsible for the split, you may catch the blame.
Give the kids time to adjust. It won't work in your favor to walk in like you own them. If that's your plan, you're doomed. Listen to them when they want to talk,. But give them space and time. Let them have say in their rooms and meals. When they need alone time, let them have it. This isn't you backing down. This is the best way to help a situation. If the children feel pushed, they will push back and you will have a war on your hands.
When You're Not a Parent, But Trying to Discipline:
There are times, when you will need to step in and take obvious control. An example would be if the ten year old boy wanted to roller skate off the roof to imitate a stunt. If you're the only adult around, you must be a disciplinarian. Even a genius adult will not be able to handle every situation. The best advice is to use common sense and step in when necessary. This group of stranger will eventually mold into a happy family.
