subject: Is Facebook Destroying Your Marriage? (3 Ways to Tell) [print this page] By Susie and Otto Collins By Susie and Otto Collins
Beth can pretty easily predict how her husband Roger will spend his evening. While she does the dishes, folds laundry and helps the kids with their homework, Roger will shut himself up in the family's den.
He logs onto the social networking site, Facebook, and will not re-appear until after Beth has gone to bed. She has asked Roger to limit his Facebook time in order to help out around the house and spend some time with the kids and with her.
He usually promises to cut back on his Facebook time, but then he never does. Beth is beginning to wonder if Roger is having an online affair. Just once, she would like her husband to find HER more interesting and enticing than his Facebook friends.
Does it seem to you that your spouse's Facebook habit is driving a wedge in your marriage? Do you worry about who your mate is re-connecting with and what that means about your relationship?
It is certainly true that social networking sites, like Facebook, can be a means by which people have online affairs. Emotional affairs and physical affairs can all develop and be sustained on the internet.
Even if you don't suspect that your spouse is having an online affair of some kind via Facebook, you might resent the time and energy that your mate devotes to it.
It is understandable if it feels to you like Facebook is destroying your marriage. Here are 3 ways to tell if it is...
#1: You or your spouse spend more time connecting with Facebook friends than with one another.
Take a look at both the quantity and the quality of the time you and your partner spend together. Do you rarely see each other and, when you do, one of you is distracted or constantly multi-tasking?
This is something that can happen even if you don't have a Facebook account. It can be even more pronounced, however, if you do.
No matter how long you have been married, it is vital for you and your spouse to continue to connect with each other in deep and meaningful ways.
This doesn't necessarily mean that you have a serious talk every day. It does mean that you are fully engaged and present with one another each and every day, through the serious talks and the lighter ones too.
#2: You or your spouse are more open and intimate with your Facebook friends than with each other.
Do either or both of you tend to be relatively closed off to each other? Are you upfront and honest about how you really feel when it comes to your marriage, your family, finances, the house, friends, even politics...but only with your Facebook friends and not with your mate?
When you or your spouse expose more of the "real you" to your Facebook friends than to each other, this is a sign of trouble.
For whatever reason, there could be weak trust that compels one (or both) of you to pretend that you are okay with a situation when you actually are not.
Get to the bottom of what has weakened trust and take steps to address whatever happened.
#3: You or your spouse keeps your Facebook time and interactions a secret.
One sign of an online affair or an emotional affair is when a person keeps social networking interactions a secret from his or her spouse.
If your partner waits until you've gone to bed to do Facebook or if he or she quickly closes the computer screen when you walk into the room, start to pay attention to any other signs that infidelity might be going on.
Even if there is no online affair, your spouse may feel like he or she has to hide the amount of time spent on Facebook. This is also not healthy for your marriage.
The two of you could come up with some agreements for how you both will use social networking sites like Facebook.
Communicate and get out into the open your preferences and priorities so that Facebook usage doesn't feel like something either of you has to hide or feel guilty about.
When it comes down to it... it is NOT Facebook (or any other social networking site) that is causing the distance and pain in your marriage.
When you look at how you and your partner regularly interact (or don't interact), you can begin to make some changes that will start to move you two closer together again.
Is Facebook Destroying Your Marriage? (3 Ways to Tell)
