subject: How To Cope With The Death Of A Spouse Or Partner [print this page] After 42+ fantastic years of what many would consider a perfect marriage, my wife died.
There is no way to prepare for the shock or the pain that such an event evokes. There is no future in suggesting that one should prepare for it. Nonsense.
Let's leave to one side all the possible situations where the relationship was less than perfect and where death might even be a kind of release or blessing.
Instead, let's look at the situation where there was a wonderful relationship which was interrupted by death.
Just over a year ago I faced this situation. My wife and I had had what could only be described as the almost perfect marriage. We were madly in love, shared everything, enjoyed the luxury of being in the same profession and thus able to share our essence as well as the other things couples share.
We were home, just she and I, the morning she died. I was wheeling her into the living room in her wheelchair so I could prepare breakfast for us. On the way she asked if I thought I could manage a fried egg? I said only if she didn't expect it to be turned over. At that moment she just stopped breathing.
The shock is indescribable. The pain was the most severe I have ever endured.
However, after the shock of the moment I realized how very lucky I was that she was still in full control of her senses and she went very quickly and painlessly.
Now came the situation of coping. What does one do?
I assure you it is not something that immediately sorts itself out.
I think I was reasonably normal and went through the usual thoughts such as downsizing to a bedsit and getting rid of everything that was ours. I also considered sitting in the corner and drinking red wine rather than eating. I was able for the first time to realize how it was possible that couples entered into suicide pacts in order to avoid this situation. I thought about running away to a country where I knew no one and no one knew me. I think I really went through almost everything that was possible in the months that followed.
I have no advice really because I know that every situation is unique. However, I will report my final decisions and findings in the hope that they may be of some value.
I decided, eventually, to try to live the life that she would want me to live. First this meant not denying anything that was ours and part of our life.
Secondly, it meant finding some passion to keep me occupied and interested hopefully forever, but specifically immediately.
Well, eventually I came to these thoughts and have done the best I can.
I have become addicted to internet marketing and am determined to make a lot of money to give away to those less fortunate than I.
It is a great feeling to know I don't have to do it. But, the fact that it is there and I am being quite successful have given me a new lease on life.
I am going to be the greatest internet marketer ever and she will be so proud of me and what I do with the money I make.
I hope you will be able to find something as captivating as this when and if you face this awful moment in life.
