subject: Do You Know What Caused Your Divorce? [print this page] Going through a divorce can almost feel like facing a death. The only difference is that you still have to see the person, which can cause you to mourn your loss all over again. You can't be with them anymore, and they don't want much to do with you, but you still have to interact with them. You have to split your life up like it's just bits and pieces of furniture and belongings, instead of a home and family. And if your spouse wants a divorce but you still love them, it makes it even worse. If you still want your spouse back, you have to figure out why your spouse wants a divorce.
Did the two of you grow apart? This happens to a lot of couples over time. Life seems to get in the way. Maybe when you were first married the two of you shared the same goals: a family, a home, a stable life . . . but then eventually one of you gets bored. Then you try to do something else to shake up your life. Or maybe one of you has higher career goals and it threatens the other. Or maybe one of you has a midlife crisis and suddenly you don't recognize your spouse anymore. Often times, this happens the most when your children leave the house and you're faced with your spouse again, alone. Many people don't know how to handle it and this causes a divorce.
Has there been an infidelity? Even though a lot of people want to blame the person their spouse had an affair with, infidelity is rarely caused by another person. It is usually a symptom of a bigger problem within the marriage. If your spouse felt like you didn't have time for them anymore, it can make them look to someone else for emotional support. Or if you don't feel that attracted to your spouse anymore, if someone else makes them feel attractive it can lead to an affair. But as you can see, affairs are usually due to some kind of emotional problem within the relationship, not just sexual frustration or a wandering eye.
Did your spouse feel unappreciated? If you work a lot or spend a lot of time on activities outside of the home, it can cause your spouse to feel unappreciated. They start to feel like they are spending all of their time and energy on the family and you are spending time doing things you want to do for yourself. This can cause a lot of resentment, even if you didn't mean for it to. If your spouse says things to you about your time away from the family, then this might have caused your divorce.
Every married couple faces issues eventually. The difference between marriages that make it and those that don't is to work through the problems and not just throw your hands up in defeat. Even if your problems seem huge right now, divorce will usually not help them. Instead, divorce can sometimes be like running from your problems. You get relief in the moment, but they catch up with you in the end.
