subject: What Am I Doing Wrong With Guys? [print this page] Why is it so hard to find a nice guy for a serious relationship? Why is it that all the good ones are married? What am I doing wrong??? These questions can drive you crazy and keep you awake at night.
There are many mistakes that women make in their search for the perfect relationship. Here are a few of them.
Looking for the Perfect Relationship
Theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. Were all human; we all have flaws. We often fail to see the nice guy standing right in front of us. He isnt perfect, but neither are you. Decide whats really important to you, and what areas youre willing to compromise on.
Be careful not to go to the opposite extreme. Many women relax their standards too far. For some its too easy to see a mans possibilities and fantasize about being the one to rescue him from his troubles. Other women have such low self esteem, they dont believe they deserve a good man, and seem to deliberately choose a series of losers. Finally, other women dont really want a serious relationship, so they choose seriously flawed men in order to have an excuse to end the relationship anytime.
Giving too Much too Soon
Deciding if and when it is appropriate to have sex is a problem for many women. Some men dump a woman as soon as they score. They may lose respect if a woman is too easy, or lose interest if she seems impossible.
Being too Desperate
If youre so desperate that you see every date as a precursor to marriage, your desperation may scare off men before they have a chance to get to know you.
Being too Possessive
Very few things will kill a relationship quicker than possessiveness. Whether it manifests as constant demands for togetherness, jealous accusations, or emotional needs that are too high maintenance, possessiveness is often rooted in low self esteem due to past rejection issues.
Proactive Steps You Can Take
Take some time and analyze your past experiences. Look for patterns. Be especially aware of problems such as substance abuse, domestic violence, or infidelity. Seeing a counselor may help you identify self-destructive patterns and establish a plan for making better decisions.
Stop looking for the perfect husband and focus on developing a mature friendship. Think things through. Thousands of women meet men in bars and then spend years complaining about the man drinking. Just like men who are amused by the number of whose their girlfriend owns only to go ballistic at how much their wife spends on shoes. Dont fall into the trap of totally abandoning you (or expecting him to totally abandon him to become us. A mature relationship has room for individuality as well as togetherness.
