subject: How To Be Understanding In A Relationship [print this page] Lack of understanding is often cited as a reason to end a relationship. A classic line from cheating husbands is my wife doesnt understand me. There may be many specific examples of lack of understanding, but most are rooted in insecurity, fueled by jealousy.
The first step in becoming more understanding is to recognize that both parties are bringing emotional baggage into the relationship. Before addressing your mates baggage, you need to take a serious look at your own.
Rejection issues commonly result in a deep-seated insecurity that often manifests as unreasonable jealousy. Do you feel threatened by your mate having friends of the opposite sex? If hes late getting home, do you immediately suspect hes seeing someone else? If he develops new interests, do you feel hes leaving you behind? Do you constantly look for signs of infidelityreceiving wrong number calls on the phone, looking at other people when youre out together in public, making private phone calls, or giving evasive answers when questioned about plans or activities. Do you see yourself as inferior to every other woman he knows? Try to identify your hot buttons. It isnt always easyespecially if past relationships have ended with a violation of your trust.
Now look at your partners baggage. He may especially resent false accusations or intrusions into his privacy.
Take proactive steps to become more understanding. Instead of assuming that private phone calls are of a romantic nature, try to assume theyre confidential business matters.
If you truly have grounds for suspicion, discreetly check for concrete proof. If there is no such proof, quit looking for it!
Trust is one root of understanding. Another is communicationespecially listening. But its important to listen with your heart as well as your ears.
Men dont repeatedly affirm their feelings. One husband, frustrated by his wifes need for constant reassurance, said I told you I love you back in 1980. Nothings changed. If it changes, Ill let you know. If words of love are in short supply, actions of love are the way a typical man expresses his love.
Does he start your car on cold mornings so its warm for you? Remind you to take your medicine when you forget? Cook dinner when youre tired? Each one of those is an I love you.
And you saying I love you ten times a day wont mean as much to him as baking his favorite cookies or bringing him a glass of iced tea when hes mowing the lawn.
If you are truly committed to the relationship, you need to be prepared to meet your partner halfway, to respect his right for some privacy, and demonstrate your trust by refraining from unfounded accusations.
