loan

subject: How To Save A Problem Marriage [print this page]

Are you dealing with a problem marriage?

Here's an exercise that will help you resolve your

marriage problems. First, I want you to look at your

hands. Go ahead. Stop reading this now and take a

good look at your hands.

Did you do it? Don't just read on.

Take a good look at your hands.

In a moment, I'll let you know what that has to with

a problem marriage.

This past weekend my wife and I were away for one

of our Romantic Retreats (see page 88 of Marriage

Fitness). We went to Harve de Grace, MD, a quaint

old town, and we stayed in a small 2-story

cottage.

On Saturday, while we strolled through the tree

lined streets admiring the old Victorian Inns, we

passed one that was hosting an outdoor wedding.

The isle for the bride and groom started at the

sidewalk and ended at the wedding canopy just 50

feet from the street. We happened to walk by just

as the ceremony began. I, of course, was

interested in what the pastor would say to the

young bride and groom.

Wedding ceremonies are a time for idealism not

realism; so I wasn't expecting to hear profound

words from the pastor. But to my surprise, she led

the bride and groom through a meaningful

"exercise" and offered them sound advice. I'm

going to paraphrase and use my own words, but

essentially here's what happened.

The pastor acknowledged that brides and grooms

usually gaze into each others eyes with heartfelt

emotion (she paused to notice that that's exactly

what the bride and groom in front of her were

doing). She spoke about the innocence of that look

and the sea of feelings shared without a word ever

spoken. But then the pastor kindly asked the bride

and groom to bow their heads and to look at their

hands.

It's amazing how the energy in a place can shift

in a moment. When the bride and groom turned their

attention from each other's eyes to their hands it

was as if the pastor had transported them from a

fairytale to a drama. And then the pastor

explained as follows.

You decided to spend the rest of your life

together because of your feelings. But the rest of

your life together will be decided by your

actions.

"Take a good look at your hands," the pastor

requested of them. "Because it's what YOU DO for

the next 50 years that will determine what you see

in each other's eyes."

Interesting.

In other words, what you see is NOT what you get.

What you DO is what you will see.

We all want to gaze into our spouse's eyes and

feel the depth of their love. But in the long

term, those looks are not because we met Mr. or

Mrs. Right; it's because we did RIGHT and because

we earned the RIGHT over time to see that love in

each other's eyes.

Look at your hands again. Remember your

wedding vows? Remember that look in your

spouse's eyes? What are you going to DO this week

so you can SEE that love? Make a list of 3 ACTIONS

now and complete them by the end of the week.

That's a simple exercise that YOU can do for saving

a problem marriage.

Good luck.

Mort Fertel

Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

by: Mort Fertel

welcome to loan (http://www.yloan.com/)