subject: Children - Teaching Them To Respect No [print this page] I have met few parents who want their children to be out-of-control. How do you prevent your children from being out-of-control when the society they live in is out-of-control? How many parents thought that their children would be respectful and disciplined, but to their surprise they are just the opposite? It is time for a simple lesson: teaching children to respect no. Here are 3 facts that must be established for your kids to hear no.
Fact number one, society is out-of-control. Morality is politically incorrect it seems. Anyone who denies this has their blinders on. Parents, please listen, that is society on the outside, not on the inside of your home - unless you bring it or allow it in. You create the society inside of your doors.
Here is the rub: parents bring the morality of this society into their homes and then wonder where their kids pick up their attitudes and values. Parents, step up and lock the doors to those things in opposition to your values. You have the keys.
Where do you begin? Media, plain and simple. You have the keys, right? You carry the keys to the television, to the internet, to cell phones. Someone is monitoring your children. Someone is indoctrinating them. Who would choose to have that role? Hey, they are your children, your responsibility, and no one can have more influence than you if you will exert it early.
Fact number two, you are bigger than your children. There is this 3 year old who gets to live in our house, our son, and he is afraid of ants. He can be on a slide and spot a tiny little ant and have a panic attack. Ok, this has to stop. I took him to the sidewalk where some ants were moving. We got down on our knees and I said, "Look at those ants. Who is bigger, you or them?" He said, "I am." The lesson went on from there, but first we established who ought to be afraid and who shouldn't; who should be in charge and who shouldn't.
Have you ever seen a six foot four muscle bound man submitting to the demands of a 3 year old? I have, and frankly, it is embarrassing. I want to take the big boy by the hand, get down on one knee, and say, "Who is bigger, you or squirt?"
How does a little pint sized munchkin take charge over an entire home? Somewhere back there he exerted his little will and refused to do what you said. You didn't know what to do. You couldn't punch him. You couldn't bend his arm behind his back. You verbally made a request and physically he refused to obey. You searched through your life long training and there were no manuals.
Guess what pint size discovered by your inability to deal with this? He discovered he could yell or throw a fit or cry or wine and you would back down and give him his way. You "say" you felt sorry for him or your emotions went out to him. Wrong! A thousand times wrong. This action, or the lack thereof, was not about him, it was about you. You trained him that no does not mean no.
Fact number three, children will respect no. You say, "but you do not know my kid." True, and I may be glad if you trained him to be a spoiled brat. And by the way, you heard me correct, you trained him to be that.
Now answer this question, are you willing to endure some temporary emotions on the part of your little one in order to get him through this brat stage? Will you promise not to give in, even if big crocodile tears role down his cheeks and he cries, "daddy, daddy, daddy?" Or "Mommy, you do not love me. Why don't you love me? I love you mommy." If you give in it is because you have made this about your feelings. Put that aside for the better of your moldable child.
Here is just one scenario and a response that will move them to respecting no. It is so simple you will scratch your head. Little Johnny keeps pushing the buttons on the television. You say, "Johnny, daddy wants you not to touch those button again." Johnny looks at you and smiles. You have issued a challenge, and big boy, you'd better win.
You know what's next, he walks right over to the television and pushes the buttons again. If you say, "Johnny, I told you to stop," then little Johnny has won the challenge. Why? Because you already told him. He knew exactly what he was doing. And your response did nothing.
Here is what you do: "O know (with a quiet voice), I asked you not to touch the buttons and did you? Do you know what that means?" Give him a second to respond if he will. Then you say, "You have to sit right here in this chair and not move until I say." Now for the fun - he says "no." You were hoping he'd say that. "O yes," you say. "and you have to do it now."
Parents, now means now or it loses its affect. Either he moves to the chair or you get up from your seat, walk straight to Johnny, and take his hand. If he jerks it back, you gently pick him up, which is why we established fact number 2, and deliver his little commander self with ease.
He tries to get up, then you put him back. He screams and yells. So what! He hates you. No he doesn't. Right now he is beginning to love you more than ever. Know why? Because for the first time he is beginning to respect you. You can't talk to him, get into an argument why this happening, which he already knows, or even pay attention to him. He stays there, with your help if necessary, until he stops yelling and settles himself.
As soon as he does, with a happy voice, you say, "Johnny, jump up buddy. Just remember this is what will happen from now on if you do not listen to me when I say no. Here, give me a hug." He may or may not.
Whew, you made it through the first one. If he does it again five minutes later, you must, and I mean must, act immediately, say "O no" and place him back into the chair. Your consistency will win in the end. This is the hard part. But in the long run, this will make parenting a joy again. Never be abusive, never use angry tones (kids feed off that), and always respond immediately.
