subject: Stop Comparing Yourself To Others! Embrace You! [print this page] This past Wednesday, Jodi and I had the opportunity to interview Donna Valdes for the second time. An interesting topic came up of why women feel so much guilt when they don't get "it all done" and men don't.
It's kind of crazy to think that 80-90% of the organizations in the home business industry are made up of women, yet most of the top income earners are men! Why is that? Is it that they are better than us? Do they have better skills? Are they better at overcoming challenges and excuses?
In some ways, I think that they do have a leg up on us WAHMs because they are not hard on themselves like so many of us are.
I remember several years back at the beginning of my journey in this industry, I became friends with a couple others associates (who were not financially linked to me) but we all were at the same level in our income and rank in our company. There were 3 of us and we all agreed at a company event that we were just going to GO FOR IT and take our businesses to the next level.
So my personality is the type that will commit myself to things without even thinking what it might entail or the skill-set required. YES...my EGO gets in the way for me many times as I always think I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Well, at the time, my 3 boys were a lot younger, 7, 5 and 3 and my husband was working part of the week out of town and it was also SUMMER. So not even looking at what it was going to take to increase my income, I just threw my hand into the circle and give them a big high-5 and said, "let's do it!"
After I returned home, reality set in. I just honestly didn't have the time, nor even the skill-set required to reach that next income level. And I really had no desire to sacrifice the time away from kids at that point--time with them has always been so precious and fast-moving.
So all the sudden I find that I'm making up excuses for myself and to others and starting to feel so defeated. The self talk in my head started to rear its ugly head with things like, "you're not good enough," "you're not worthy," "you aren't a polished speaker" and on and on.
It was compounded a few months later when we came together at a local event and I was standing along the side of the audience (with many of my team members in the room) and one of the persons that took the challenge with me, (from the front of the room) basically called me out and said "what rank are you at now, Kimber?" (which we all knew I hadn't advanced at all while he had grown and advanced quickly)!
I remember leaving just devastated and to make matters worse the other mom who joined us in the challenge had also reached all kinds of new levels in her income and rank.
So poor me. WAH!!!!
(Now I have to say that at no time did I not feel happy for them...I've always been one that has celebrated others success and not feel jealousy for others)...but at the same time, I was not happy for me, self doubt continued to plague me and the shame of not making it with them set in hard!
It wasn't until a while later that I was smacked at the side of the head when I realized (with some intense coaching) that I sabotaged myself by comparing myself to them and their journey.
I was a mom of 3 young boys, with my husband gone and very little time to get out and really work my business.
The gentleman was able to ramp up his traveling schedule and go out and do all kinds of meetings for his team, and he did have great communication and presentation skills that I hadn't acquired and he was very gifted at getting others excited even to this day.
The other mom was able to have her husband home with her to help with her kids while she and a business partner went on a crazy "home party" and traveling schedule for some time which created all kinds of success for her!
I'm not trying to make excuses for myself but what I am trying to get at, is that it was their time to be able to focus on their business. God had given them the doors to be able to do what they did and they totally deserved all the success they gained.
When I looked back and realized that from the time I started my home business, I had always made it a priority that I would work a very part-time schedule and be home for my kids and not work full time, I realized that I starting taking on their goals (out of my EGO) instead of setting realistic goals for what was best for me and my family's schedule and lives.
How silly is that?
When we set NEW goals, make sure that they are big enough to get you into action but not so huge that its something that realistically you can do (because of time, financial or other "real" limitations). It's important to have BIG DREAMS but along the way, you want to set realistic mini-goals for steady upward progression.
So when you go to your company's next event, don't compare yourself with others on the stage! They might have a different schedule or priority than you do right now. They might also be in a different season when they are harvesting from all that they planted. They might have also increased a skill set that you are still trying to master.
Don't look around and feel bad...celebrate their success and know that if you are honestly being a good steward of the time you are working your business, God will promote you when you and He are ready!
Embrace the season you are in. It might be a planting season! It might be a season of increasing skillset right now...and be open when you are in the Harvest Season! It's coming soon! I promise!
For those of you that read the best success book ever, reflect on this verse! Galatians 6:4-5
