subject: My Ex Wants Me Back And I'm Torn To Pieces! [print this page] You're sitting alone, searching for answers and finding little solace in the vast amount of confusion offered up as advice. You're crying to yourself, "My ex wants me back and I'm torn to pieces!" The love is still there, you never lost it, however, there are small alarms going off inside you. You're convinced that, if only he could change, you'd go back right now.
Change what? Isn't he in the same package as you as when you bought him? What happened? Did you finally open the package and he spoiled, turned rotten? Did he change? Or did you?
Granted, if he has become abusive, dangerous, unstable, addicted, unfaithful, we're talking about something very different. In these instances, you probably shouldn't even be thinking about this.
We're talking about his attitude, his preferences, his tolerances, his capabilities, his desires towards you, love, and life in general. Attributes that you find just a little out of sync with your own. So you want him to change his.
The body of thought out there seems to support that idea that, people don't really change, but, perhaps, our perceptions about people do change. Over time, we tend to change the lenses through which we view others.
Do you really think it's possible for someone to change, or to influence someone to change? Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
When someone says, "I'll change. You'll see." Are they changing what's inside them, or are they simply changing the way they are perceived? Is that sufficient? Can the relationship work with that?
This is not to discourage you. It, hopefully, will prepare you to approach the matter practically so you can restart your relationship with eyes wide open.
Consider for the moment that his perception of you has changed as well. Use this as a an opportunity to step back with your ex and find out why each of your perceptions changed - keeping mind that, for the most part, you and he are the same people originally fell in love.
