subject: The Difference Between Grief And Suffering [print this page] Author: TB Wright Author: TB Wright
TB Wright When there's nothing left, what then? Nothing left? What is meant by that? Think about it. What real things do we care about, or what other things of any kind, all serve to bolster up how we feel about ourselves? What things are we attached to, and so grieve over their loss? What are all the important "somethings" in all of our lives? Loved ones, money, reputation, status, things, possessions, marriages, businesses, accolades, TV, sex, relationship, music, they are all parts of our lives, or at least, most of them are parts of at least some of our lives. At some time for every one of us, we have suffered the loss of one, or many of these things, all at once. What happened then? What happened when it felt as if nothing was left? For every one of us, when faced with loss, regardless of what it is, or how important something was to us, we all react in our own ways. Yet everyone grieves in some way. In the short run, some people use denial to shield themselves from the truth, others use suffering to prolong the realization of the event, but in the long run, no method ever changes the truth. Truth is, when we suffer a loss, to feel grief and to suffer over the fact that it's missing from our lives, and that we were attached to its presence, is what we do. But to continue to suffer over the truth, isn't what "we do." It's what our conceptual minds have us do, and for whatever that complex system of thought called our minds does, it's a system of thought that has been thoroughly trained into us, and so it certainly isn't natural. What's natural is to fully feel our grief, to totally experience it, without denial, and then to move on from it, and that whole process doesn't take days, weeks, or years. It's a process that takes time, yes, but not as much time as we often force ourselves to "think" ourselves through. Because you can only truly feel grief over something fully, totally, and completely, one time. So then what are we doing? What we are doing, at any time after we feel that full experience of grief, is resisting and conceptualizing our pain and suffering. And when we do that, we can make it last years and years. Because the Universal Law that's operating here is: what we resist, persists. Think about it. Something happens, we lose a loved one, some money, or our status in the community. There it is, the circumstance that we are grieving over because to grieve over loss is a natural human reaction. But two weeks later? What are we doing then? It's not grieving, it's suffering. The only way it's possible to continue to suffer, which is markedly different an experience than to actually grieve, is to be repeating the scenario of what happened over and over in our minds, and then forcing ourselves to suffer over what is true. And it's not that certain circumstances aren't extremely sad, tragic, or painful, that's not it at all. But there is only one way to truly suffer, and that is when we resist the truth. The truth is, something can be painful, tragic, or sad, and until we fully grieve, which is to confront the truth about it, and in doing so, experience fully and totally how we feel about it, we will continue to instead, conceptualize about the event, and in turn, suffer. To suffer is to bear a weight under a burden, but when did we ever decide that the truth was that burden? And again, it's not that when something tragic happens, that we won't feel bad about it, and sometimes for the rest of our lives. When a loved one passes, it may simply never be okay for us that they're gone. We loved them, after all! But to suffer over the truth of their passing? The truth is, when they pass, they are gone, and to grieve over that loss is natural. But to suffer over it, isn't. The beautiful thing about the whole process of grief is that it doesn't last forever. Grieving is like telling the truth: about how we feel, and about what happened. Once the truth is told, what is there to grieve over anymore? The whole purpose of grief is to allow us to express how we feel about what or who in no longer with us, and to act as a filter to our minds, so that we don't simply go into shock over the event and lose it altogether. Grief allows us to absorb the truth over the exact amount of time we need to do that, a different amount for each one of us, and a different amount depending upon the event. Giving ourselves that time, whatever it is, is way more gentle than to have it smash into our reality all at once. But suffering does not do this filtering job. Suffering doesn't let anything in at all, what it does is to prevent our grief from coming out, or for us to fully experience it. What suffering does is to keep us from accepting the truth, and in doing so, to prolong our experience of how we feel by resisting it, which is quite different from experiencing how we feel, and then letting that truth be what's real for us. Grief is natural, suffering is learned. If you watch the most in-the-present-moment creatures on Earth, animals, they grieve, they feel, but they do not suffer. They do not suffer because they don't conceptualize circumstances, and they don't have words to represent over and over again in their minds, what happened, so that they can continue their suffering over time. But we do, and it's exactly our resistant thoughts that we use to suffer with. So what's the way out of all this? The way out, is the way in. To truly grieve is a beautiful statement of how we feel, and deeply, and to feel in this way is natural to us. We care, we love, and we miss that which we love when it's gone, so we grieve so that we can fully experience our loss, and let the truth of that loss sink in. We can do that, and in fully experiencing our grief, begin to let the pain go, because there really is no reason to suffer. Especially when what we are usually suffering over is so permanent as the truth. Tell the truth, then, grieve as it's natural to do so, and then be free. Because the truth will set you free. About the Author:
TB Wright is the coursework creator of The One Penny Millionaire! a thirty week online seminar designed for your success. www.onepennymillionaire.com
A short video on useful affirmation work can be seen here:
