subject: Are You Thinking About Getting A Divorce? Before Doing Anything, Take A Look At These Six Tips [print this page] The oft-quoted stat is that fifty percent of all marriages fail. Reasons vary, from financial disagreement to old-fashioned adultery, but the point is that the divorce rate is high. Regardless of the reason, however, before approaching your spouse or separating, you must do some serious planning to protect your interests. If you are considering getting a divorce, try to make the best out of the situation, using these pointers, and place yourself in the more advantageous position.
1) Get your finances in order.
The very first thing you want to do when thinking about a divorce, is to figure out your financial situation. Money is the foundation of any divorce proceeding, so you want to make sure you have everything down pat. First, you will need to determine what you earn. This sounds easy, but you would be surprised at how many people can't pinpoint their income. Second, determine what your spouse earns. This is a slightly more difficult prospect, but still somewhat easy. You want gross and net income after taxes. Third, figure out what your monthly expenses are, and ascertain fixed expenses versus variable expenses. Finally, create several spreadsheets that reflect your gross income, net income, and overall expenses. Play with the numbers a little bit. Use your spouse's income on one sheet, your income on another, and combined income on a third. Create as many iterations of your income and expense sheet as possible. Realize that knowledge is power.
2) Make a list of your property.
Write down everything that you own, from your coin collection to your McMansion. While you don't need to write out every piece of personal property in your house, you should include separate entries for anything that has substantial value (for example, your rare coin collection). Do your best to estimate a fair market value for the property, and determine how much you owe on any loans. Then determine the equity. Remember that bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, certificates of deposit, etc. are also considered property.
3) Do not commingle your property.
Different states have different laws as to how property is divided. Some states take the position that non-marital property is not subject to division by the court and the owner gets to keep it, free and clear of any claim by the other person. But whether that is your state or not, it is important to keep your own property separate from your marital property. For example, if you have had a money market account that your parents opened for you when you were a kid, and you have never touched it, don't go taking money out and putting it into your joint savings account. Leave it for now, and deal with it when it comes time for property distribution.
4) Research child support and alimony statutes in your state.
Because of tip #6, this should just be a cursory review of your state's statutes, but you need to be knowledgeable about what your potential exposure is here. For example, some states have child support guidelines, where you plug in some numbers into a chart to figure out what the child support will be. With respect to alimony, some states are far more willing to award a substantial alimony and for an extended period of time, than other states.
5) Do not tell anyone.
You may be tempted to tell your best friend, your mother, your ex-girlfriend, or whoever else about your situation, simply because you want to confide in someone and express your feelings. Resist this temptation for now, for several reasons. First, you never know if that person is going to say something to your spouse, whether intentional or not. Second, by speaking to someone about your impending separation and divorce, you may make them a witness in any future divorce proceedings. In other words, your spouse or your spouse's attorney may call them to the witness stand and have them testify about what you said. While you may want them to eventually testify, now is not the time to make that determination.
6) Divorce attorney.
The exception to point #5 - speak with an attorney as soon as possible. Divorce statutes are numerous and they are complex. You need someone who can help explain your rights and responsibilities, and who can give you some advice and counsel. Even if you don't end up hiring an attorney, you still need to go see one. But you really need an attorney to guide you through the maze that is divorce law and procedure. Otherwise, you will be at an extreme disadvantage.
It may sound selfish, but if you are seriously thinking about getting a divorce, it is a time to consider your own situation. Your life is about to take a major change, and you want to be in the best position to make the best out of a trying time.
