subject: Social Networks: A Risky Way For The Divorce Judge To Get Acquainted With You? [print this page] You may not be having kind thoughts about your spouse when you are getting divorced. You may forget that you are on a public forum when you post on Twitter or Facebook. However, if you get too comfortable displaying your less than savory tendencies, you might find yourself on the losing end of a custody fight, a property dispute, or a decision about paying marital debts. No, what you say when you're not under oath isn't evidence. It is when you have to admit it was you who said it when you swear to tell the truth that can get you in trouble.
My first contact with the Internet in a divorce case was several years ago. One of my clients thought she had met the man of her dreams in a chat room. He was in Australia , and, although she had only been to visit him once, she abandoned a 20 year marriage to be with him.
Hubby thought Wifey Dearest should be put on the streets penniless, and badly beaten if he had his way. She felt she should get everything she could pack or transfer to Australia. She had been a homemaker during the marriage, and had not worked outside the home, and he was a jerk anyway. Opposing counsel and I had to fight each other every step of the way.
The final hearing came and they were divorced. The wife flew to her new blissful life in Australia. About a month after the decree was entered, she called to ask me a question.
"So," I asked, "How are things in the land of kangaroos?""
"I've been back in the United States for several weeks," she said. "He was abusive, so I left him and came home."
It used to be that the Internet's greatest threat was that your spouse might meet someone and decide to jump the fence. That still happens, and happens more frequently than you might think. However, there seems to be a new Internet danger that is exploding in divorce courts around the country. This is the ability to prove or disprove statements made in court because of email correspondence, tweets, Facebook posts, or a host of other public displays of private dirty laundry. Here are some examples:
1. Hubby says he is a Christian man who would never let alcohol or drugs cross his lips. His virtuous demeanor is shattered when Wifey Dearest shows the judge pictures from Hubby's "My Space" page of Hubby praying to heaven with a beer in one hand, while giving half a peace sign with the other. Of course, if he really gave a good show, there will be a bong or joint clearly visible at his side.
2. The sexting the wife uses to entertain her on-line boyfriend is private until Hubby gets his mitts on her cell phone. When she gets on the witness stand and tells the court what heart break his love of porn has caused the marriage, he is happy to show the court pictures of her clad only in what G-d gave her at her birth. Not only does the judge see what she has to offer, but both attorneys get an eyeful, too.
3. Hubby swears that church mice are wealthy citizens compared to him. His business has failed. He was robbed at gun point. He is lucky to scrape enough money together to avoid starvation and nakedness.
The wife produces pictures that he has posted on his My Space account. He shows the world his new motorcycle, his big screen TV and his sexy girlfriend, and discusses his plans for a vacation in the Bahamas. The judge can't help but conclude that he can pay as much alimony or child support as the wife says he can.
The scenarios are endless. We all tend to confess things to total strangers that we would hesitate to tell our closest friends. We all want to appear smarter, better looking and richer than we are in reality.
Most of the time, the picture we present is of little consequence. People on the street may pass by and think, "nice blouse", or "I love that hair do," or even "he must have money out his --". What they think doesn't matter. We want to be viewed as smarter, more beautiful and richer than we are if we can. We all do it, and our usual contact with most people is so fleeting as to make such vanity harmless.
However, trying to look like nature's gift to humanity on the Internet can backfire in a divorce setting. Sure, our on-line buddies may be impressed, amused or envious. However, the divorce judge may see this false public image as the documented truth. After all, all it takes to make a court exhibit out of on-line displays is a computer, an Internet account and a cheap printer.
