subject: How to Crack the Male Communication Code [print this page] The most requested issue women ask me to help them with is getting men to communicate more.
What women don't realize is that men ARE communicating to them all the time, but women keep missing it because the way men express themselves is through a code. Other men easily understand this code, but for women, it's pretty much foreign territory.
Men have a hard time articulating their feelings, so the safest and easiest way to let women know how they feel is through ACTION. For men, actions speak louder than words and men assume that their feelings are getting conveyed to women loud and clear by all the things they do for them.
This is why men
- buy women flowers (I love you)
- pick their girlfriend up from the airport (I missed you)
- buy their daughter a car on graduation (I'm proud of you)
The reason women are missing this is because their primary tool for expression hands down is WORDS. Women use words to express feelings and bond with everyone in their life. Women FEEL through words, so when a man doesn't speak what's on his mind and in his heart, women immediately start to doubt how a man feels about them.
I would have to say, this is the primary reason why men and women are consistently experiencing a communication breakdown. Men don't want to talk about issues, problems or even the positive great feelings they have a for a woman. Men prefer to fix, do and demonstrate.
Unfortunately for men, the only thing that counts for women is what gets said. Period.
I know for men this must feel terribly unfair and even a little exasperating. You're out there bringing home the bacon, creating a fun date for a woman or all the other multitude of ways you show the women in your life you care.
It's equally frustrating for women to keep experiencing this kind of communication breakdown with every man they meet, date and marry in their lifetime. For women, words are as easy and natural as breathing and they can't understand why men have a hard time with this.
From early childhood men are told to "suck it up" or "don't be a sissy". Men are socialized to maintain a strong front at all times. Just because a man is not verbally expressing his heart felt feelings towards you, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care. The way to truly know a man's feelings is to instead look at his actions.
For the women who are reading this, just as expressing your feelings ONLY through action would feel absurd know that it's equally challenging for a man to articulate his deepest love and deepest fears through words.
If women want to crack the code' on a man's communication, the place to start is noticing and appreciating all the things they do for you.
Know that when a man is polishing his dead son's motorcycle that he is grieving. Understand when he is doing the dishes for you after you've had a long day that he is supporting you. And most importantly, trust that the $5 bunch of flowers he picked up at the corner grocery store is the purest and most honest way he knows to express his undying love for you.
