It was pitch dark. A thin ray of light was coming through the door. I started to walk towards the door. The light grew in its strength. I reached the door. I saw that I was standing on the topmost stair. The bright light outside blinded me. I could only see the white steps running down. I started down the stairs. I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Slowly it became faint. I followed the voice down the endless stairs. I panicked. I ran down as fast I could. I was afraid to loose the only voice that I could hear.
I sat up on the bed. Now wide awake. My heart was beating fast. Sweat had amalgamated on my forehead. I could hear the clunky sound of ceiling fan spinning slowly and erratically. The ticking of the clock could be heard faintly. It was still dark. I tried to make out the time. It was 2.45 a.m. I lay down again. Thoughts controlling my mind. I tried to think the reason behind my dream. This was not the first time that I was seeing this particular same dream!
I was running. White clouds blocking my view. This time I could see her. My sister was wearing her white night gown and was standing beside the main door. She was whispering my name like she did not want anyone to hear it. I came close to her. She said something which I could not understand. I was confused. I could not hear a word of what she was saying to me other than my name.
A loud, shrill sound woke me up. It was my alarm. Now I could hear my neighbor's dog barking, the birds chirping, the sound of the vessels, my mother's annoyed voice yelling at our maid, telling her how things are done. I moved my head to get a better view of the clock. It was 10.35 am. I had over-slept. I had dozed off thinking about my first dream after I woke up in the middle of the night. I could not draw any concluding of these two strange dreams in one night. I thought of sharing it.
After my breakfast, I decided to call my sister up. My conclusion was, since I saw her in my dream, she would be the best person to decide. Also we had not spoken to each other for the past couple of days. This would be an excellent opportunity to share things up.
My relation with my sister was more like friends. She has always been my "friend, philosopher and guide"
I eternally confided in her, my ignorance, my mettlesome tactics and my secret teen aged infatuations for someone. I picked up the photo frame. It had our childhood pictures designed in the form of a collage.
I was a fat kid and weighed kilos. My sister could hardly pick me up although she was almost half a decade elder than me. Every time she carried me, her efforts were visible in her face. I still laugh at the picture of her carrying me in her arms. Her expression is so vivid, that it always makes me wonder about my weight.
Memories can be good or bad. But it is the happy memories that stay longer since we try recollecting those more often and with a lot of zeal. There is one such incident which had made its mark, although I do not know in which category I should put it.
We were very fond of each other. So every other second my mother had to rebuke us on top her voice to keep us apart. Every time she had to give us a good smashing to stop us from picking up a tussle. And each time we accepted punishment. You must be smiling at us. But to tell u the truth. We were really fond of each other. That is the reason, in fact the only reason, why we had the extreme form of sibling rivalry. If told to stay away from each other, for two minutes, aloofness from each other would seem to be an end of the world.
My parents had gone out for some work. It was a holiday . I and my sister were all alone in the house. As expected, I started to irritate her. She was watching her favorite channel and I kept on changing the channel. Now, who can tolerate this, for a long time? Before we proceed much further, let me share some secrets. My sister was a quite girl. She had a great sense of responsibilities. Responsibility of being the elder of the two. So she always protected me. Weather it be from my mother's spanking or from my innocent domestic experiments. I was the naughtiest of the two. I on the other hand, always took advantage from her. (Smile!) So, it was always me irritating her and sometimes beating her playfully. But, she not a time raised her hand over me, although her voice could always he heard on top of my voice.
She must had a lot of hidden discontent feeling against me. That day, she did not scold. She did not scream. She pushed me away from her, hard . HARD!!! The force with which the push came, sent me flying across the room, through the door, to the next room, across the next room and hit against the wall. Luckily, more than the force, the slipperiness of the floor had made me travel such a distance. My back hit the wall. My head was saved since I had covered it with my hands. I was hurt, angry, surprised, aghast! The pain of realizing that my sister had hit me was more than the physical pain. I was extremely mad. Tears declined. They demanded to stay inside their store room. I lay there frozen. My head went blank.
My sister was also in a trauma. It took her few seconds to conceive that her push had made me to glide across 2 rooms. She ran and came beside me. I denied to budge from my former position, too much stunned. She tried to pull me up, but I brushed off her hands. This action of mine shook her. She thought that since I was badly hurt, I was unable to move. I could see fear, guilt and pain written all over her face. She kept on trying to relieve me of that delusive pain.
I was a wicked child. I heaved a sigh of relief. I realized that she was repenting over her mistake. This was my chance to take advantage of the situation. I kept numb. I did not answer any of her queries about my pain. She quickly disappeared and came back with "Volini", the muscle pain relief ointment. She kept on begging me to speak. My eyes narrowed. A wry smile escaped my lips. I opened my mouth. The only words I said was, "Let ma come..."
I cannot recollect anything else for that day. But I sure did not complain about this incident to my mother. This lone episode became a great mischievous boon for me and I always had the upper-hand. She never in future punished me.
Thoughts now clouded my mind. Was it my guilt over the years that had brought such a strange dream? Was it because I was missing her badly? Or, was it something else? I am clueless. I picked up the receiver to call her.
