2 Major Pitfalls Of Codependency That You Could Fall Into
A codependent individual feels obligated or trapped to remain in a marriage regardless of the damage that has been done by an abusive spouse
. Abuse, by the way, could mean sexual, physical, emotional, or financial abuse. A partner will feel obligated to remain and support the other.
Codependents rely on another's acceptance and approval.
It seems irrational at first for a codependent to be emotionally charged with the need to be acknowledged by the abusive partner. A less complicated way to see why an individual would tolerate all of this destruction is due to one essential need: survival.
Codependency is about guaranteeing that the other lives no matter what. It is like a codependent has adopted the other's life and is continuing it for them. For example, the particular individual gets into financial problems due to a careless lifestyle, cocaine abuse, etc. while the codependent compensates for the car payments, mortgage, or even worse, the drug dealers themselves.
Love and obligation to the abusive individual is the key justification. Sometimes the abusive individual makes use of extortion, threats, and even coercion to command for support. In the event that it is not given, emotional upsets, pleas, and threats of abandoning the partnership are used. They make the supportive individual feel guilty if they do not adhere to the demands for support or money.
Sympathy for the abusive partner is often used to beg for forgiveness. Usually these pleas are made until they finally get what they are looking for. Anticipate that promises will be made but it will not certainly be kept.
Codependents absolve the other well before completing or even going to rehabilitation.
Even though the damage has occurred, a codependent will inevitably forgive the abuser. Sex, emotional outpourings, love or other "payoffs" are provided by the abuser as payment for obtaining forgiveness.
The emotions, promises or the abuser's approval are needed by the codependent. They will generally use these times as opportunities to gain command over their relationship and thus creating a sense of having a false upper hand.
The codependent would need the addict or abuser to be in jeopardy, powerless, struggling, victimized, weak, or needing help, in order for the codependent to look and feel important and valued. Usually a codependent will just help enough to keep the other alive but not sufficient to change their route of destruction.
As an example, they settle the person's arrears with only a commitment of the abuser to attend drug treatment centers. The abuser promises but does not fulfill their pledge. The codependent then uses this experience to justify paying off arrears, etc. while the abuser never gets the true support they need.
Admit that you have been enticed into a destructive pattern of codependency that only ends up in eventual disappointment and you will start to see the hook. Simply because the drug addict has the problem, does not imply that you must carry the problem for them. This continues to fuel the abuser's downward drive.
Codependency is really a trap. A great way to stop this is to find out about professional drug treatment centers which can help you break your reliance on another. The objective is becoming fully rehabilitated.
by: Deon Carlisle
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