21 Mistakes to Avoid when getting Divorced
21 Mistakes to Avoid when getting Divorced
Going through a divorce is a difficult time in anyone's life; therefore it is critical not to add to this by enduring any burdens during the proceedings. Take a look at the tips below and avoid any mistakes when getting divorced.
Mistake 1 - Not acting when you are served with divorce papers
When you are served with a divorce petition, you must get a solicitor. Do not think that if you do not answer these papers or cooperate that your spouse will not be able to divorce you. In fact, your spouse may be able to not only get a divorce, but everything that they ask for. Instruct a solicitor of your own as soon as possible.
Mistake 2 - Not conducting matters in a constructive and non-confrontational way
Don't employ an aggressive or combative solicitor. You should avoid the use of inflammatory language both written and spoken in all dealings with your spouse. If you behave in a civilised way, you will be more likely to achieve the settlement that you want without recourse to court proceedings. Having to ask the court to make a decision in the matter which will only serve to increase the legal costs dramatically for both you and your spouse.
Mistake 3 - Not responding quickly to all your solicitors' requests
If you don't respond quickly to your divorce solicitors requests for information, it may adversely affect your case and will certainly increase the costs of your divorce.
Mistake 4 - Not taking into account the long term consequences of actions and communications as well as the short term implications
Emotions tend to run very high shortly after separation and you may be on a short fuse. This doesn't help a couple to sort things out amicably and rationally. Therefore, step back and try to consider the longer term implications of what you are proposing.
Mistake 5 - Not considering mediation or collaborative law
Divorce court proceedings should be the last resort in resolving matrimonial finances. If you think you can sensibly negotiate with your spouse, where you are both thinking realistically and are prepared to compromise to reach a reasonable settlement, we recommend you give serious thought to the collaborative law process.
Mistake 6 - Not putting the interests of the children first
Never involve children in the divorce fall out between you and your spouse, and absolutely never use them as pawns in a divorce game so you can achieve your financial goals. The divorce courts take a very dim view (and quite rightly) of parents who deny or offer contact to their children in return for some financial gain. It has been established that children are not so much affected by their parent's divorce as by the way their parents behave towards each other before, during and after the divorce. Don't let your divorce give your children a legacy of unhappiness and difficult relationships of their own.
Mistake 7 - Not telling your children about the divorce in the right way
If it is possible, the children should be told by both parents about the divorce. They should know who will be remaining in the household with them, and how and when they will be seeing the parent who is moving. Each of the parents should reassure the children that the separation is not due to anything thechildren have done, and that both parents will continue to love and provide for them. This is very important.
Mistake 8 - Not dealing appropriately with questions from children
Balance honesty with being appropriate don't give them details that are better kept between adults. Children are stressed and emotionally harmed by being asked to take sides between parents.
Mistake 9 - Not being open and honest in all dealings
This is an absolute must and particularly in all matters financial, or you may find yourself being penalised by the divorce court. Truth in all matters, even if it hurts, is by far the best policy. If you try to hide things and you're found out, your spouse will delve into your affairs in such a way as to increase your costs and theirs, and they will be unlikely to want to reach an early divorce settlement. You could even find that your divorce costs go through the roof.
Mistake 10 - Not keeping your credit in the black
When divorcing, ask creditors to close any joint accounts and provide you with written confirmation. Try to reopen these as individual accounts. If your ex-spouse handles a joint account irresponsibly, your credit record may suffer.
Mistake 11 - Having totally unrealistic expectations or demands on what you are gaining from a divorce
Too many people start divorce proceedings expecting that they will get
everything they want. Often those demands are exaggerated. Since finances, children, property, a business or a pension are in dispute, you will need to make your demands reasonable and not expect that you will get everything.
A word of advice the key in approaching divorce is to have realistic expectations, focus on problem solving and do everything you can to help your own case.
Mistake 12 - Not giving consideration to balancing the benefits of any
steps against the likely costs financial or emotional
Some things may just not be worth pursuing. Consider carefully the financial and emotional costs involved. If you let your emotions gain control rather than reason and logic, you will undermine your own case.
Mistake 13 - Withholding information from your divorce solicitor
Some people do not trust their solicitors, even though the solicitor is representing them. By withholding information about their future plans or financial assets, they try to maintain control over the situation. Some try to pull the wool over their solicitors' eyes but most end up fooling themselves. Our advice you need to present a clear picture of what your motives are and if you want your solicitor to do an effective job, they need the whole truth.
Mistake 14 - Not asking enough questions of your divorce solicitor
Many people are intimidated by the divorce process and even sometimes by their own solicitors, and instead of asking questions accept everything in blind faith. That doesn't work. Instead make sure that you ask as many questions about your settlement as you would if you were buying a car or a house. Be thoughtful and analytical.
A word of advice ask your solicitor for an honest view of what your chances are to obtain assets, home and money. Decide what it is that you really want, and then ask questions of your solicitor to make sure you do everything to get what you realistically want.
Mistake 15 - Expecting the legal system to be fair and that the court will see things from your point of view
No matter how much you think you are right, the judge can see issues from another viewpoint, not always yours. Furthermore because of procedural rules, judges often rule on limited information. They don't care if you are nice.
A word of advice don't expect that your viewpoint, no matter how fair and reasonable, will prevail. The more sceptical and balanced you are, the better you can solve problems and obtain the most favourable outcome.
Mistake 16 - Don't assume that you know what your future financial position will be
Many people assume that there will be a straight 50/50 split of the family assets. Whilst this may well be appropriate in long marriages where there are no dependent children, it may not be appropriate in other cases eg. short marriages, cases with dependent children or where the parties' earning potential are significantly different. An equal division of family assets is not necessarily fair.
A word of advice don't make assumptions and don't just agree something with your spouse without taking expert legal advice from a specialist divorce solicitor. Trying to deal with any relationship break up in a friendly fashion as possible should always be the aim; but equally you do need to make sure that you are safeguarding your future financial position.
Mistake 17 - Not checking facts or figures given to you
Solicitors are human too, and they can make mistakes. Equally your spouse may not have given the correct information or be withholding information. You must read all documents to ensure accuracy or it may be too late to correct it.
Mistake 18 - Allowing too much time to pass
Understandably too many people going through divorce proceedings don't
want to be bothered by rules and court deadlines. They may simply bury their head in the sand and hope that the issue will go away.
A word of advice although you should never be rushed into anything by your solicitor, don't unecessarily postpone decisions or put off providing requested information. Especially don't delay providing information ordered by the court. Equally if the court order is made and you need to enforce it don't allow too much time to pass.
Mistake 19 - Not taking independent financial advice
Divorce proceedings involve all your assets, including property and pension, all of which have tax implications.
A word of advice make sure you understand the consequences of divorce. Do you know whether child maintenance is tax deductible? Equally what is the most effective way of dealing with your new financial position? Do you have the right life assurances and appropriate pension provision given your new circumstances?
Mistake 20 - Not knowing your own financial position
Many people in a divorce, especially women, have no idea what they really have financially.
A word of advice you need to make sure that you are aware of every asset and investment from pensions through to life assurance and make sure you have full documentation. Make sure that you have copies of all relevant materials this information will put you in a better negotiating position and should save you money as your solicitor won't have to bill you for time spent tracking down the documents. Read every financial statement and
make sure you understand them if not make sure you ask.
Mistake 21 - Not moving on
It is natural to mourn the loss of a partner, even if the divorce resulted in feelings of resentment. Don't go out of your way to find out what your spouse is doing and never repeatedly question children about your former spouse's actions. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to move ahead with your life and find happiness in a new relationship.
If you are currently going through divorce proceedings and need advice in the areas such as Chester, Ellesmere Port, St Helens and Northwich, the leading divorce solicitors cheshire are here to help.
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