A Terrible Trip To The Thrift Store

So I went into a thrift store that was also a dollar store

. If you can't see why thrift stores and dollar stores are kind of synonymous and not mutually exclusive, gong yourself. Anyway, there's this retarded guy working there.

Before we proceed any further, I want to mount a preemptive defense and let you know that I normally don't bust on handicapped individuals. I despise the human race and its inherent depravity, but even a jaded SOB like me has to draw a line somewhere, and mocking the retarded is well past that line. I was lucky enough to be born without any physical or mental impairments, and I'm grateful for that fact. So I hope the court has duly noted that I'm normally very compassionate and caring in my treatment of retards.

But every once in a while retards get trapped in a bad situation, and things get out of control. Way out of control.

I don't know where the manager was that day. But when I walked into a dollars store, this retarded guy had grabbed the microphone, and clicked on it, and was saying, in that anguish kind of retarded voice, "Price check!" It's a dollar, the guy in front of him said with utter exasperation. The retard must have been hearing impaired too, because he just kept clicking the mike and saying, "Price check" and contorting his neck all weird.

I wondered where the manager was. In her or his office hitting a bong? I disappeared and did my shopping. The retard kept saying price check into the microphone. Finally I shouted, "one dollar." He thanked me over the microphone and I screamed you're welcome. He did it like 26 more times, and I answered and he thanked me each time. I continued shopping. Rolling my cart near the front of the store, I saw people leaving, but also sighing gratefully. Some were shaking their heads.

I don't come into town much because there is something I really can't stand in town: people. I come into town maybe four times a year. Maybe. A car's a big pain in the bullocks too. Bus is way easier. Without a car I can't get laid nearly as much, but this can actually be beneficial. When you get laid a lot, you think about getting laid more, instead of the important things like physics and economics. If there were no vaginas, the transistor would have been invented in 1524.

My point is, I had a super long shopping list. Almost 75 items. Last time I was at the dollar store was 4 months ago. I had been tooling around the store for almost an hour carefully assembling half a year's worth of supplies. And of course answering price check requests until I was hoarse.

I feel so rude and callous calling a retard a retard. Why hasn't someone come up with a better word. Besides handicapped, I mean. It is too generic, doesn't tell you what the specific handicap is. Of course, only a retard can't tell that a retard is retarded. Say that exercise in circular logic five times fast!

I finally made it to the register. The clerk asked for a price check, but no one else was in the thrift store, so I couldn't get my items rung up. There were no other thrift stores in town. I was screwed.

by: brigittepittsa

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