Achieving the Balance of Work, Rest & Play
Achieving the Balance of Work, Rest & Play.
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"I need to get my life in balance" is a common statement. But how common is it that we achieve this balance in practice?
Life balance has so many elements to consider that the overall task may become so daunting, that we simply cannot get the needed focus and motivation to see it through. A Life Coach, however, has a role to first help you to achieve focus and then discover what it is that you really want to do. The stepping stones from the present to your future balance are critical to this, and a coach can help you put these in place and provide the needed support and guidance to take them.
A useful tool to achieve focus and clarity on the real issues you need to address is the Wheel of Life' which is illustrated below. Completing this is a simple task, but does require some quiet reflective time.
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Simply draw the 8 spokes of the wheel, write the headings at the end of each and imagine them reflecting 0% in the centre to 100% at the outside. Then ask yourself "How satisfied am I with .....?" Put a mark representing you % satisfaction on the spoke and go to the next element. When all complete, draw a line around the wheel to connect each of the % marks and see how close this resembles a circle.
A perfect circle will give you a good smooth ride through life and the bigger the circle the more fulfilled you will be, but if it is uneven, the ride will be bumpy and out of balance.
The chart illustrated was completed by a client, Lena, who in our initial contact said that she needed coaching to improve her time management'. She used a computer calendar to control her week in detail but the demands of work and the home study course she was doing still left her feeling out of control.
At the start of our call we looked at the results from her wheel of life'. I pointed out that she had said Time Management was her key concern, yet the wheel suggested that it was the level of Fun & Recreation & Relationships were she was least satisfied with her life balance.
So I asked the question, "What is it that would be a good goal to achieve during this session?"
Lena thought for a few seconds and replied that figuring out how to find time to have more fun and meet her best friend would be the most important. This gave us a goal, but I needed now to explore the reality of her weekly activities and bring out a sense of awareness in Lena as to why she wasn't making this time available. Such an exploration is based on open questions, the sort that start with what' or how' and require some thought to answer. These open questions are initially quite general as we search for the key issue, but once this begins to appear the questions become more focused. A closed question which generates a yes or no' answer is avoided as these responses usually end a dialogue instead of encouraging it.
"What is stopping you having fun & developing or maintaining relationships?" I asked.
Lena, "I just never seem to have time. Even when I plan to take time to go swimming or meet my friend something just comes up and I have to call it off."
"What comes up Lena?"
Lena, "Work comes up."
"In what way does work come up?" I asked.
It then transpired that her sales team who travelled during the week often called her on a Friday night or Saturday morning, and she ended up sorting out a lot of their issues at the weekend. She enjoyed to go swimming at her local pool to and relax on a Friday night and Saturday was the only day when she could meet her friend so these were the things that suffered.
It was time for a closed question to achieve focus on the real issue.
"So, Lena if there were no calls on a Friday night or Saturday morning would your life balance improve?"
After some hesitation she replied, "Yes, I suppose it would."
We now had a clear step to achieve and the focus of my questioning now moved from looking at the reality of the situation to exploring the options for change.
Lena was adamant that she couldn't just turn her telephone off without telling them. I agreed that to change the custom' without telling her team would not be good. My next question But what could you do?' started a dialogue reviewing the options and Lena eventually came up with a proposal, that she would tell her team that they should call on a Sunday morning instead.
"What will their reaction be?" I asked.
Lena, "They are always telling me I need to chill out and have fun so they will probably be ok with that but ..."
"..but what Lena?" I asked.
The worry now was that she would not have the time to solve all the problems before Monday. We talked around this to see if Lena could find a way of resolving this and eventually I asked if she would like a suggestion,
"What if you coached them to solve more of the problems themselves? Ask them what help they need to solve it themselves. I am sure they could solve many of the issues with some coaching and support from you."
Lena agreed this was probably true and as the end of our session was approaching I asked her what steps she would take to put this new approach into practice. She decided to use a meeting later in the week to explain how they would do things in the future.
"And what else can you do today?"
Lena, "Phone my friend and arrange to meet her for lunch on Saturday!"
"And how do you feel now that you have laid out these steps?" I asked in closing.
Lena's voice tone confirmed that her life balance was already a little smoother simply by taking the decision to make those steps.
4 weeks later when we talked again the situation had changed significantly. She was swimming on a Friday and had redeveloped her relationships with several friends. The Sunday telephone calls worked and she even felt that the team were raising fewer problems as they seemed to be dealing with them on their own.
Lena smiled and said, "The only problem is I met a guy at the swimming pool and he wants to take me out for the day next Sunday so how do I manage that?"
In Lena's case it seemed we had smoothed the wheel only to find that the romance' element which she had ignored before now needed to be addressed. This will often be the case that as the balance improves so too do our expectations of fulfilment grow. The goal is then to keep the balance at ever greater levels of satisfaction!
Self Coaching Session
1. Take sufficient time to complete the wheel of life'. The measurement you are making is How satisfied am I with ...' There is of course nothing fixed about the actual headings so you may want to change them to make them more relevant to you and your life but ensure the mix of the different aspects of your life is maintained. (You may wish to change Romance' to Friendships' or Career' to Social / Cultural Fulfilment'). When completed, leave it to one side for at least a day and then review to make sure you are satisfied that it represents the balance of your life today.
2. Which segment of the wheel would you like to focus on and write on a note pad what you would like to achieve.
3. Describe this achievement by answering the following;
How does it look?
How do you feel?
What is different?
How would your partner or closest friend describe the achievement?
4. Continue now to answer the following questions, taking time to reflect and then to write down your answers:
What would be a good intermediate goal on the path to the achievement described above?
When do you want to achieve it by?
What steps could you take to achieve this intermediate goal?
What other steps could you take?
What if you had more support what would you do then?
What is the first step toward this goal?
What support, if any, do you need to take this step?
Do you have the commitment to take this step?
By: Ken CoeyAchieving the Balance of Work, Rest & PlayBy: Elena