Are You Trying To Heal From Heartache?
"Each betrayal begins with trust."
"Each betrayal begins with trust."
-Anonymous
Betrayal is probably one of the toughest scenarios to survive, but the good news is you will survive it if you allow yourself time and do the right things. There is a grieving process that will take time to get through. But, if you find yourself grieving a year later, that is somewhat lengthy.
If you are still suffering and it has been a while my guess it has to do with how you spend your days, in particular what kind of thoughts you choose to spend your time with. First of all you need to get your head put back on straight on many levels.
Thinking that there is something horribly wrong with you because you feel so bad simply isn't the truth. Just because someone changed their feeling about you doesn't mean that it's you that there is something wrong with; perhaps it is them.
And, sometimes it simply a matter of things not turning out the way you wanted them to and there isn't anything wrong with anyone, except for the fact that the situation took a wrong turn.
My experience has always shown me that what I have perceived as a so called "wrong turn" or if something happened that I didn't want, it ultimately turned out for the best in the end anyway.
If someone came up to your Mother, sister or best friend and brutally berated them verbally, to the point of being abusive, would you think that something must be horribly wrong with your Mother, sister or best friend that would cause this person to go off on them? Of course not, by far the onus is on the abuser.
Anyone who callously ends a relationship either doesn't have the integrity or depth of character to do the right thing or is spineless and doesn't have the courage to face reality in the face. As hard as it is to say goodbye to someone they should still step up to the plate and give you the respect you deserve.
But, what someone should've done has nothing to do with reality and that is where you are stuck. You must accept the facts of life that sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.
Sometimes we are dealt a hand of cards that we'd rather throw back in and or quit. But, guess what? Adversity comes to all of us at one time or another, including betrayal. It's not what happens to you that counts as much as how you handle what happens to you.
I'm sure you are quite aware the situation isn't how you would've handled it but you are not them. And how they handled it you can't do anything about except, accept it.
The first step in healing is accepting what happened whether you like it or not. You are refusing to accept that they did what they did the way they did it and look at where not accepting it has gotten you; pretty much nowhere.
You've been stuck in the past wishing, hoping and wondering what went wrong and why. You are probably still consumed with this for most of your day and that is where the problem lies.
The single one thing you can do for yourself to pull you out of the situation you are keeping yourself in is - get in control of your thinking. If you noticed I said, that YOU are keeping yourself in.
Staying stuck is a choice you make. You either choose to let go or you choose to hold on, it really is your choice. How we stay stuck is by constantly thinking about the situation, how bad you feel, why it happened, how things could've been different, if only, why me, I'm so hurt etc. How do you think that these kinds of repeated thoughts will make someone feel?
Each day you have to stop yourself mid-thought and say anything that will make your subconscious mind know that the past is behind you and you are looking forward to the future.
For instance say you can say things like, "Every day in every way I am getting stronger." Or, "I know this has been difficult for me but I am looking forward to a better future." Or, "Today I am in control of my thoughts and I only choose to look forward instead of backwards."
The key is to realize that how you feel is directly related to what you think. Your feelings don't control your thoughts; it's the other way around. Your thoughts control your feelings.
How you feel is a direct reflection of what you are thinking. If this is true, then use your feelings as a barometer to gauge if you are thinking right or wrong thoughts. If you feel bad, guess what? It is all about what is going off in your head. If you feel good, it's the same.
It never feels good when you've been rejected and add betrayal to it; then it's a double whammy. But, it's all the more reason to be thankful you aren't with someone who can be so cold.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season and a lifetime. Just recognize that they weren't there for a lifetime, even though you wanted them to be, it just didn't work out.
But, just because this relationship is over; doesn't mean your life is over. You have every opportunity to have love and joy in your life again, but YOU are holding yourself back by holding onto negative destructive thoughts of jealousy, rejection, anger, hurt and so on. These thoughts are choices.
By holding onto this kind of thinking the only one you hurt is yourself. If you read my book, re-read that chapter on forgiveness. It isn't about absolving the person for their wrong doing it's about releasing yourself from the past pain.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Each time you think of her/him, simply say, I release them, all is good. Or, bless her/him, I release her/him from my thoughts and replace it with what you are thankful for.
Look to each day with a new attitude of being grateful. Look around you and focus on what you have to be thankful for instead of what has caused you pain. Living with gratitude brings more goodness in your life.
Don't waste another minute of you time hurting over something that you have no control over and start spending time on what you do have control of; your thoughts, your words and your actions.
Fill your days with people you love and things you enjoy doing. Start saying 100 times a day. I am not stuck anymore, I am happy again that I am free from the past. Say, I am free to live with joy, say, thank you for my blessings.
When you live with old memories, they don't serve you they destroy you. You choose what you think, so choose wisely.
by: Susan Russo
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