Arguments Can Be Healthy
Arguments Can Be Healthy
Arguments Can Be Healthy
Whether you like it or not, at some point you will argue with your partner. But be of good cheer, every other couple in existence has at some point, argued with their partner. No one in their right mind wants to argue with the one they love most. But, strange as it can sound, arguments can be healthy.
How come arguments can be healthy? After all, what is healthy about shouting and screaming at each other, what is healthy about going through stress and misery?
Every relationship has its share of issues. If these issues are not dealt with then they can grow, and grow, poisoning your relationship as they increase in malevolence. An argument highlights an issue that needs to be dealt with.
The thing about arguments is that if you deal with them the wrong way they can rip your relationship apart, deal with them the right way and they can draw you closer together.
Each of you comprises one equal half of your relationship. Whilst being part of the whole, you also have your own separate identities, personal history, perspective, and wants and needs. Because your are a couple it does not mean that you will have the same wants and needs, or the same perspective on an issue. When your perspective clashes with your partners then you have the potential for an argument.
One thing that is worth remembering is that you can both have completely different perspectives on an issue, and you be right.
When an issue first makes itself known, you need to deal with it there and then. It is far easier to deal with something that is still relatively minor, before it spins out of control and becomes much more difficult to deal with.
Arguments can be healthy so long as you do not shout and scream, play the blame game, or try to score points of each other. If you have issues to deal with then deal with them calmly and rationally. Calm and rational can be difficult and if tempers start to rise then take a time out, let tempers cool, then go back and deal with the problem.
Having a shouting match just wastes your time and does nothing to resolve the issue, instead I could make the situation much worse and could become a festering sore in your relationship.
It is always best, no matter how long it takes, to resolve any issues before you go to bed. If you are away from unresolved issues for to long, the tensions will rise and it will become more difficult to deal with. Also, if the issue is a bad one, then instead of being able to get to sleep, you are more likely to brood.
Work through each issue one at a time and do not let anything distract you. Something that you view as quite minor could be much more serious for your partner. Look at the issue from your partners perspective, not just from your viewpoint, you never know, they could be right.
When you were single the world revolved around your interests. Now that someone else has entered the picture you need to focus on what is best for your relationship. Remember, that what is best for your relationship is best for you. Look for compromises to your issues that you are both happy with. If you are unable to find a compromise then find away around that issue.
Being only human, we all makes mistakes. If you make a mistake then take responsibility for your actions. Show that you know that you were at fault by admitting them, and apologize.
How many times, when listening to your partner, have you felt your attention starting to slip. It is all to easily done as our mind automatically considers how to respond. This means that you are not giving your full attention to your partner who is trying to tell you something important, if it is important to them then it should be important to you. The chances are that your body language will give you away which will not be viewed favourably by your partner. Focus on what they are saying and if there is something that you do not understand then ask questions until you do. Apart from understanding what is bothering your partner, it also shows that you care about what they are saying.
Arguments can be healthy if you use them to bring you closer and not push yourselves apart. To keep your arguments healthy talk through your problems, admit any responsibility, actively listen to what you partner has to say, and then find a way to deal with the issue that both of you are happy with. If you work for what is best for the relationship then you should build a happy, healthy long-term relationship that can stand the tests of time.
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