Behavioural Intelligence – The Subtle Art of Controlling the Conversation

Practising the skills and disciplines of Behavioural Intelligence will give you an almost unfair advantage in meetings, interactions and negotiations

. A surprisingly high number of people in corporations and companies do not prepare well for important meetings and, when in the meeting, rely on instinct and reactive behaviour to achieve the results they want.

The practitioners of Behavioural Intelligence are fully engaged in the meeting but somehow manage to maintain a distance which helps them focus on the process and make informed judgments about what to say or do next. Making a conscious decision on your next behaviour rather than just reacting is the heart of Behavioural Intelligence.

Some parts of your brain just replay instinctive patters or learned behaviour whilst others (notably the pre-frontal cortex) examine the situation and can select what is the most appropriate course of action. This entails interrupting the instinct long enough to choose an alternative. It may seem instantaneous and it can be very quick that's what makes the professional seem so slick; they practise focusing on the behaviours in play and choosing from the menu available.

Controlling a conversation or meeting with Behavioural Intelligence is a subtle art. It's not about being dominating and demanding, it's about noticing what's happening (or not happening) and choosing a behaviour to advance towards your chosen objectives. This objective will, perhaps, be a balance between Results and Relationship a classic negotiating and persuasion dilemma.

In other articles on Behavioural Intelligence I have described how to model excellent behaviour that's the foundation of control. If you are in charge of your own behaviour you are much better placed to manage others' behaviour. As well as the powerful "Behaviour Labelling" technique described in that article it's important to recognise the difference between Push and Pull behaviours.

For example in the Initiating class of behaviours (which are about getting things moving or keeping things moving) there are two ways to arrive at a proposal:-

"I propose we hear from everyone what their thinking is" (Making Proposal Push)

"What ideas do you have for how we should do this?" (Seeking Proposal Pull)

In the Clarifying class (which is about increasing understanding) you could Give Information (Push) or Seek information (Pull)

"This is how I see things at the moment" (Push)

"What information do we have that's useful?"(Pull)

Push behaviours have information coming from you, Pull behaviours are designed to get information from others and are typically in the form of a question. One of the surprises to many people is the realisation that the successful influencers, negotiators and leaders displaying Behavioural Intelligence use twice the number of questions that less successful practitioners do.

This does not mean that Pull is better than Push. But there is definitely a correlation between how much the most Behaviourally Intelligent practitioners engage people in the discussions and negotiations to achieve their objectives rather than just talking at them or making presentations. Subtle control comes from moving between Push and Pull by design not by accident.

Develop your negotiation, influencing and leadership skills. Find out more about Behavioural Intelligence

Behavioural Intelligence The Subtle Art of Controlling the Conversation

By: Clive Hook

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