Can You Save a Marriage Even When There Has Been Infidelity, an Affair, Or Cheating? I Believe You Can

Can You Save a Marriage Even When There Has Been Infidelity

, an Affair, Or Cheating? I Believe You Can

Although emotional disconnection or "falling out of love" is probably the most common "real reason for divorce," infidelity is commonly a stressor that brings this on or is the result of it. It takes work to save a marriage, but retaining trust and intimacy following infidelity and betrayal is particularly tricky, though it can be done.

There are really two types of infidelity physical and emotional. Believe it or not, an emotional affair can be more devastating to a marriage than a physical one. An affair that is both physical and emotional is a doubly hard. Since infidelity is more often the result of one spouse feeling their emotional (not physical) needs are being ignored, and being disconnected and losing intimacy is a precursor to divorce, addressing both partner's emotional needs has to be priority one of saving the marriage.

This can be quite difficult since both the straying partner feels that she / he has unmet needs and the faithful partner is likely devastated and probably feels that his or her needs were not even considered.

However, there are countless couples that will tell you (I am one of them) that there marriage not only survived infidelity, but is stronger as the result. What makes the marriage stronger in the end is the deep communication and attention to the relationship that is necessary to save a marriage (and was obviously missing before and contributed to the breakdown.)

In order to save a marriage following an affair, both partners need to be willing to make the relationship (and saving it) a primary focus. Both need to be willing to not only have open (and sometimes painful discussions) as to what wrong, but be willing to put in the time, care, and skills needed to change. The trick is that these discussions need to take place gradually, one step at a time, when both partners are capable of handling this. Having the hard discussions when one spouse is still reeling or unreceptive may cause more harm than good.

In order to do this, a few things need to be present, as follows:

The "cheating" spouse is willing to come clean about the affair, answer your questions about it, and feels remorse. Eventually, they must also be willing to cut off all contact with the other man / woman and agree to pulling out all stops to save the marriage;

The faithful spouse must eventually be willing to let go of the pain, betrayal and resentment that followed and examine any contributing factors to the affair. Once the healing has taken place, the faithful spouse has to be able to move on and not constantly rehash or hold onto the betrayal. Once you've worked through your problems and your spouse has made amends, youshould not punish him or her indefinitely.

And, both partners must eventually be willing to do all of the work that is needed to not only save the marriage, but to continue strengthening it even after the worst seems to be past. This may require changes on the part of both partners. It also requires getting both partners to a place where true healing can occur (which can sometimes be the real trick). However, the good news is that you can get past it and your marriage can be stronger as the result.

Leslie Cane saved her own marriage through research, learning new skills, and dumb luck. You can read her very personal story of how she prevented her impending divorce (when she was the only one who wanted to) by clicking here or visiting http://isavedmymarriage.com

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