Counseling - What's Happening in Modern Marriage

Counseling - What's Happening in Modern Marriage

Today, our collective expectations regarding marriage and our roles aren't so clear. Certainly not as clear as they were for our ancestors. The marriage contract was a means of securing a better chance at survival for the individual and the group. Marriage was relatively simple compared to how things are in the 21st century.Many of today's expectations of marriage are different than in the past. There is nothing inherently wrong with these varied desires. It exists for some reasons that are highly unlike those from the past. Some hope to get healed from past wounds and disappointments. Large numbers want romance and intimacy. People getting married in previous generations would have put little hope in having these desires fulfilled.In times past, marriage was primarily a social agreement that helped ensure survival. Marriage expectations were indeed very different than they are today. Marriage is no longer quite so simple as it once was.Marriage today has some very big challenges.Too many people are entering marriage no better prepared than their ancestors were 150 years ago. It takes more knowledge to meet the challenges of the modern day marriage. It's filled with a level of complexity that didn't exist for previous generations.150 years ago was the dawn of the industrial revolution. Life was indeed becoming more complex for many people. The complexity those people had to deal with when compared to the 21st century, is scant. Roles and responsibilities of a spouse are more complex now than ever before. A much higher skill level is required to build a good marriage.Consider the following example: If you had no experience or training in a profession such as nursing, would you expect to get hired? Would you expect to do well at the job if you were in fact miraculously hired?The questions may seem a little absurd. They do work to prove an important point though. The real absurdity lies in the widely held belief that we can make marriage work well without specific training.I believe marriage is the most emotionally charged relationship most people will ever have. A highly charged relationship with a high degree of complexity requires more than just a hope and a prayer.It's difficult to find couples who can model what a good marriage looks like. Want proof? Consider the following question for a moment.Do you want a marriage like your parent's? The vast majority of people don't want a marriage like their parent's. Most people think the question is a joke. It's not a joke. The people we learn the most about marriage from are our parents. They are our primary role models for how to be a spouse. Different decisions must be made if we don't want a marriage like our parent's. Choosing differently means learning new ways of relating to a spouse. A better way of relating is acquired by more education.

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