Cure Menopause? You Can't - Realize That When You Are At Your Worst, Cope - When At Your Best, Talk

Cure Menopause? You Can't - Realize That When You Are At Your Worst

, Cope - When At Your Best, Talk

My wife and I were talking last week about how difficult it was to get along when she began premenopause at 32 and we how we had to work very hard at getting along during her cyclical bouts with mood swings, anxiety, anger depression etc. and I realized that I have begun to focus more about the science and the treatments, but not enough about the communication and understanding required as additional help for us. I have been researching about menopause and its symptoms and possible treatments to help make the process less demanding. But, at the beginning, I was inspired by my realization that I was making it harder on my wife, by not even realizing what was going on with her body.

She was so young when she started having hormonal mood swings, which caused horrific and illogical arguments, we had no idea what was going on. I just really believed at times she hated me, wanted to leave me, and that I had never done anything to make her life better (Sound familiar girls?). At the time, I would finally get mad at her aggressive and negative behavior and start giving her back what she was giving me. Of course, all this did was escalate the arguments and make things progressively worse.

In fact it was so illogical, that we began to see the pattern. It was not the world outside her body that was causing the occasional personality changes, so it must be within her body. Through her research and my observation, we began to understand that she was entering the perimenopause or the beginning of the menopausal process.

Once we reached this conclusion, then it became easier for me to see the signs, when these cyclical changes were beginning. When I saw the signs, I learned to talk quieter, using more neutral and complimentary phrases. It did not change the way she felt, but it kept the situation from escalating to the former high energy miserable episodes. Using her knowledge gained from the research she had done, and in recognizing my attempts to support her, she could remain more grounded. The situation became more bearable for us both. It also became predictable when her wonderful intelligence and logic would return to normal.

Once we both knew what the problem was and we could predict when it would be over, it didn't seem like it was such a large percentage of our life at all. When it was time for her menstrual cycle and her hormones went wild, she would actually believe that these temporary feelings of anger, insecurity, aggressiveness, and deep sadness were how she felt most of the time. It seems to help when I remind her that in just a couple days she is going to feel normal. It still is very hard on her, but now with my gentle reminders, she can deal with it better.

We use science. She takes several medications that really do help, but today I want to talk about how the support of family and friends can make a great difference in getting a women through these times.

Coincidentally, in the last week, she and I have talked to several women about this topic. She, to a large group of friends out for drinks, and me a few times in the oddest places. Like paying utility bills and talking to the agent about this blog. She and I both found that most women are universal in describing all of same feelings with the same husband, boyfriend or family stories. Women can laugh about it when they are feeling good. They discuss it earnestly and at length. This tells me that, we are avoiding talking about it to the person it affects the most when the symptoms are not present and she feels fine. Then, we are trying to resolve it when women are that their most illogical and vulnerable.

This is backwards. Couples and families need to just cope with the situation the best as possible during the hormonal cycle. When the woman is feeling normal, this is the logical time to really try to get an understanding of why it is happening, how your partner can help through his understanding, and realizing that once the cycle starts, it will get better soon, and it is not all so bad if you know this.

We both have to understand that many women feel this way 12 times per year. Men will never know how it feels even 1 time ever. That is so far apart, that only research, understanding, communication and love can bring us to the best understanding possible. So, we should remember that when she is feeling her worst just try to cope. When she is feeling herself it is time to talk. Help each other.

Danny Hammond is an author who writes about real estate foreclosure issues that affect families most often, but he and his wife also write and maintain a blog website about menopause symptoms and how they can negatively impact relationships. Please visit these websites at:

http://www.menopausehormonesandhim.com

http://www.stopsalemodifyloan.com

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