Dealing with Conflict in a Relationship

In every type of relationship from dating couples to partners that have lived together for years

, there will always be times when differences arise and conflict sets in. However it's not an indication that the relationship is in trouble, far from it.

It's actually a good thing that allows partners to express themselves and assert their individuality within the partnership. Healthy debate and argument is a positive factor, whereas stubbornly sticking to your own point of view without consideration for your partner's thoughts is a recipe for trouble.

The key to dealing with conflict in any relationship is in understanding not only your partner's thinking process, but your own too. The criteria that determines your assessment of situations, and that governs your likes and dislikes. The three most common areas that can give rise to conflict are money, kids, and sex.

The most important thing when looking for a way to resolve any differences that you and your partner may have, is to approach it from the outset with the aim of finding a mutually acceptable solution. The keyword here is COMPROMISE. If all you ever do is to stick firmly to your own guns, nothing will ever get resolved.

The success of a relationship depends on compromise, a little bit of give and take from both partners. We all like to maintain our own independence, so it is by compromising that mutually acceptable agreements can be made. A relationship depends on both partners learning to live with one another, and it's all about listening. Listen to your partner's concerns and worries, and ask them to explain why they feel that way. But don't forget that you too must explain your own feelings for your partner to be able to consider.

When you are in the act of debating each other's points of view, keep your debate focused. Don't let other issues creep in or your chances of successfully resolving your original debating point will be lost. Never let your temper get the better of you.

Resorting to screaming and shouting at each other, using bad language, and calling each other names only serves to escalate an argument. It never solves anything. In fact quite the opposite, it will only make your differences worse. Needless to say, never ever resort to violence or intimidating behavior.

For a man to try and use his physical strength advantage is totally out of order. If your debate is only getting worse, you should have the common sense to walk away from it. Violence from either partner is not to be tolerated. It's best to simply curtail your debate and start it again when both parties have cooled down and have had time to reconsider their positions.

Another important consideration is the airing of your concerns quickly. Never bottle them up because this allows them to turn over in your mind and can make them seem even worse, becoming blown out of all proportion. As soon as the possibility presents itself, seek out and hold your debate.

Always listen to your partner's viewpoint, and re-examine your own concerns in light of the other's worries. You will often find that your own fears have been quelled. Finally, never be afraid to admit that you are wrong, or that you are sorry if you have had a row. With care and forethought for each other's concerns, any relationship will grow from strength to strength.

Dealing with Conflict in a Relationship

By: Nyaruri Paul

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