Death And How To Cope With It

Many of us have been lucky enough to live to advanced adulthood before having to

cope with the reality of the death of someone who really matters to us.

My parents both lived into their 90s. My grandparents did as well. So, I was very well into adulthood before having to face death that really touched me.

My grandparents were wonderful people, but because they were so old when they died and I had known them primarily as a child, their death was a sadness and my parents mourning was real, but it didn't really reach me deep down inside.

When my parents died they had both been ill and in a way it was possible to more or less prepare for their death and its inevitability. Of course when one's parents die there is a real sadness and grief. However, I had left home many years ago and had developed my own life which didn't include my parents other than occasionally when we had a visit. So, their death was certainly an end of an era of my life, but not what could be considered devastating.

However, when my wife of 42+ years died, that was a different matter. I have now reached the age when people truly close to me are dying. Learning to cope and not become morose has been quite a journey.

My determination became that I would not become a miserable old man wearing my heart on my sleeve and feeling sorry for myself.

Instead I realized that the only way my friends and family would want to have me around was if I was happy and positive and somehow interested in life.

So, I decided to spend my grief in as positive a way as I could. I was determined not to try to deny the life of those close to me who died. Instead I wanted to celebrate it and be proud of having been a part of their life and they of mine.

In this way, by being able to talk about them and keep them alive in my memory, I found that I could stay positive and accept the fact that death is a part of life and learning to cope with it in a positive and productive way was not only possible, but essential if I wanted to continue having a meaninful life.

Certainly family and friends were supportive and wonderful, but it had to come from inside me in the final analysis. I feel that we all must truly form a plan and follow it through if we are going to cope with the reality of aging and of death and dying.

All will have their own way of finding solace and comfort. Some will find it through their religion and faith. Others will find it in meditation. Some will find it in a firm belief in an afterlife. Others will find other meaningful ways of coping.

Let's celebrate the great times we have lived through and the people who were there with us. Let's avoid being sorry for ourselves and looking and feeling miserable.

by: Dobbs Franks

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