Divorce - Difficulty Dealing With Conflict
Divorce - Difficulty Dealing With Conflict
A Hindu marriage is a sacrament and not a contract. It is a social permission given to a man and a woman for a stable relationship and to live as husband and wife. The Hindu Marriage lays emphasis on three essential values: Happiness, Harmony, Growth. But sometimes due to many reasons marriages doesnot work out as they should be and then the term "Divorce" come to light.
The inability to solve problems on the part of either spouse occurs if both the individuals are immature and this may cause difficulty in handling their personal differences.
Financial problems
This is the most common cause of divorce and is itself caused by some of the others in this list, such as failure to communicate financial habits before marriage: how much debt each has, bad spending habits, actual salary made and so on. Some couples fail to inform each other about who should and should not be the bread-winner or if one of them expects both partners to work after marriage.
A sense of discontentment looms in our heart when our expectations are not met, which pose as the bone of contention between the husband and wife. The husband often feels humiliated for his inability to meet the expectations of their material needs. And thus resulting to divorce.
Many people find the concept of money a difficult one to discuss, even with their spouse. A couple may have a number of financial goals they wish to reach but not have a clear plan of how they will reach those goals. If one spouse makes most of the financial decisions, then the other partner may feel resentful. Differing styles with regard to managing the family's financial resources can also be considered one of the causes of divorce. If one partner spends freely and the other one is more cautious with his or her spending habits, this can cause conflict in the marriage.
Flaws in character or bad habits
Husband is not ambitious enough; wife is overbearing; he's lazy; she's bitchy. He leaves clothes all over the place.
Things we failed to give weight to before marriage or simply ignored thinking we could either eliminate their flaws or improve their character. This is like expecting substantial numbers of motorists to inflate their tires because we convinced them that it's good for energy independence. One can convince someone of the right thing to do and yet fail to persuade them to action.
Addiction to alcohol, physical and sexual abuse:
If the partner drinks heavily and is addicted to it then he is sure to resort to physical violence and sexual abuse. Such cases are most prevalent among the lower strata of the society.
Infidelity:
But why do we cheat on our spouse or why does our spouse cheat on us? There could be various reasons for infidelity. It could be because the couples are sexually incompatible. Or either spouse has uncontrollable libido which the other cannot satisfy and results in seeking pleasure from outside.
Sexual impotence:
In a married life, if the couple fails to find sexual gratification from each other's company, then infidelity seeps into their relationship leading the spouse to seek sexual pleasure from other source. Sometimes an individual is commitment-phobic and fears of giving commitment to a particular person which compels him to follow the path of infidelity.
Religious differences:
Two different people from different family and religious backgrounds would find difficulty in embracing the religion of the other community. Their faith and belief might be different from the other.
Intellectual differences
As for differences in intelligence: before marriage these are usually ignored and the expectation is that the difference won't matter that much. After marriage the smart one will be frustrated with the other's "stupidity" while the less intelligent partner will be mad at being made to feel "stupid". Once they are over being ga-ga over each other and actually converse, they realize how smart and stupid the other really is.
Differences in personal and career goals
Actually the longer the two people know each other before marriage the greater the expectations. Over the course of years before marriage the couple can make unrealistic plans for the future which can lead to failed expectations of career goals. These failed goals can lead to financial problems. I married my wife 90 days after we first met. Neither of us had any expectations of the other. This Friday we will have been married for 33 years and 3 months. No expectations - great thing.
Two individuals from different family backgrounds can never be the same. These differences sometimes pose a big obstacle in your relationship. Sometimes your partner might find difficult in adapting to your personality or vice versa. Differences in career could be another reason. Sometimes the husband finds it difficult to accept the idea that his wife is working among male colleagues. A feeling of insecurity prevails in the mind of the husband. But most of times, a husband finds it difficult if his wife has a higher job profile than him.
Different expectations about household tasks
Before marriage dishes were magically done, the house cleaned itself, there was rarely garbage to take out. Actually before marriage the couple shared tasks without thinking about it or lived apart in households where their parents did the chores. Joe didn't mind doing the dishes while courting because he thought it would make him look thoughtful; now that he's married he has expectations that she would do all the grunt work. She has expectations that he would remain thoughtful after marriage. My wife and I share household tasks without discussing them or planning.
Differing Child-Rearing Styles
When a couple turns into a family by welcoming children, it is usually considered a happy occasion. The fact is that raising children can be physically and emotionally exhausting. It is important for both parents to come to an agreement about the way in which they will raise their children.
If one parent adopts a style of discipline the other does not agree with, this can lead to arguments and stress in the home. Lack of communication can also be a problem here, especially if one spouse feels that he or she is being expected to handle the bulk of the child-care responsibilities. Over time, one spouse may well feel deep resentment toward the other and this could be considered a cause of divorce.
Family interference:
A lot of interference from either of the families might often result in frequent conflicts between the couples. Both spouses must be mature enough to understand the intensity of their relationship.
The reasons for marriage breakdown are complicated. For this reason, it is not always easy to determine the reason why a couple chooses to separate. If couples educate themselves about the causes of divorce, perhaps they will be less likely to become divorce statistics themselves.
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