Father-Daughter Relationships: How Daddy's Words Have a Lasting Effect on his Tween Daughter

Father-Daughter Relationships: How Daddy's Words Have a Lasting Effect on his Tween Daughter

A father's words mean a lot to sensitive tween daughters. Unfortunately, sometimes inappropriate comments or playful teasing words from Dad can harm the father-daughter relationship. It's important to remember that girls between the ages of 8 and 12 are changing rapidly. In addition to the many emotional and physiological changes they're dealing with, their likes and dislikes and physical appearance begin to change. It's a confusing time for girls, and their parents' words can affect them dramatically. Here are three things a man in a father relationship should never say to a tween girl.

No-No Number 1: "You're not as strong as your brothers." Or "Save that for your stronger brothers."

You can hurt your daughter's self-esteem by treating her as if she were weak. It's important that parents help their tween girls feel strong, because feeling strong helps girls to actually be strong! With strength, your daughter will acquire independence, higher self-esteem, and the ability to make the right choices. She'll be better able to stand up for herself or say "no" in tough situations, and she'll be more likely to take on worthwhile life challenges such as taking honors courses or participating in the debate club. Girls who feel strong feel they can accomplish anything!

Also, be careful not to compare your daughter to your son. This could make her feel weaker than her brother or inferior to him, a pattern she might carry over into relationships with men later in her life. For example, it could affect her relationship with her spouse or her ability to participate in the workplace on an equal footing with her male colleagues.

No-No Number 2: "Look at your budding breasts!" Or "Don't you think you're getting a little chubby?"

Tween girls are extremely sensitive when it comes to their bodies. Father relationships can be complicated. Dad inevitably notices his daughter's physical changes, but it's best if he only comments on how much she's growing and maturing emotionally. Talking about your daughter's physical appearancewhether you compliment her or criticize hercan cause her to be preoccupied with her looks. If you focus too much on her physical attributes, you'll send the message that her worth is measured primarily by her appearance.

Instead, focus on your daughter's inner strengths. For example, talk about the way she is making smart decisions for herself or how responsible she is becoming. Compliment her for being a good friend to others, and for excelling in school or in her activities. Let her know how much you value her for her dependability, intelligence, and kind heartnot just her pretty face.

No-No Number 3: "Isn't that the boy you have a crush on?"

Sometimes when dads are uncomfortable around their daughters, they resort to teasing or joking to ease the tension. However, teasing can be hurtful to a sensitive tween girl, and won't help a father-daughter relationship. Teasing words such as "boy-crazy," "ditzy," or "klutzy" may be meant in jest, but can hurt your daughter, especially if they're repeated.

If you want to improve your father relationship with a tween girl, it will be helpful to keep these three simple no-nos in mind. But no one can be a perfect parent all the time. The most important thing is that you make an effort and do the best you can to connect with her.

Many things besides Daddy's words can have positive or negative effects on your daughter. For more information on this topic, visit Promoting a Healthy Relationship between Father and Daughter.

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