Get Back Your Close Relationship With Your Son

When your son was younger, it seemed like bonding came naturally

. Playing games of catch out in the yard or seeing the movies that sounded exciting were always his favorite pastimes--as long as he could hang with his dad.

Now that you have a willful teenager, spending time together has become more difficult. He would much rather stay out with his friends or while away his spare time with his girlfriend. Of course, all of this is part of a normal phase in his life, but that doesn't stop you from missing him and wanting to have a close relationship.

So how can you realize your hopes of bonding with your teenage son? Well, you have to recognize that every teen is a little different, and there is no perfect answer for every parent, but I can offer some advice after being in a family of four boys that are all close to their father.

First of all, you need to keep the lines of communication open with your son. Ask him about his life, his doubts, his interests, his goals--and really listen. This can be tough, especially if you may afraid that your son is engaging in things that are dangerous to him or nonhazardous things that you still disapprove of.

Your son may be wary of your efforts to talk at first, particularly if you have shown a degree of judgment in the past (even if you were justified to do so). If that is the case, just start slow. Ask him about his day, and try not to use generic questions like, "How was your day?" or, "What did you learn in school?"

Instead, try to focus on his interests. Ask him about his friends. Ask about the recent content of his favorite class. Ask him what he is reading or watching and why it holds his attention.

On the other hand, respect his privacy. If he blatantly declines to discuss something, drop the subject, but let him know that he can come to you if he would like to talk about it later.

Offer to spend time with him on his terms, on his time, doing something he enjoys. Ideally you two can enjoy some of the same things--fishing, camping, and hiking perhaps--but be flexible. For example, you could take him to a concert played by one of his favorite bands, even if you can't stand his taste in music.

It could be beneficial to have a "guys only" getaway. Make him your number one priority during that time. You just cannot tell when doing so will make all the difference in his life.

by: Art Gib

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