Get Your Ex Back - What To Do When You Want To Lash Out At Him
Get Your Ex Back - What To Do When You Want To Lash Out At Him
Have things been absolutely horrible between you and your ex since your breakup? Do you look back in disbelief that this is the same guy that told you that he would love you forever? His hurtful words and just downright mean actions make you wonder if he ever loved you at all. You feel as if he never cared for you and you feel as if he looks at you as his mortal enemy instead of the woman that he once said he loved.
Have you also said things and done things that were mean and nasty but you can't help yourself? Do you feel as if you are reacting out of instinct and you wish that you could take back all the hurtful things that you have said even though you feel justified in your actions? The truth is that until you put a stop to this vicious cycle you will never be able to get him back. Until you get control over your emotions and find a way to break the eternal back and forth of hurting each other nothing will ever come of your relationship and you will always be that crazy girl that he was with once.
You see, there is a very good chance that he is doing all of this stuff on purpose. Your ex knows you pretty well and he knows what to say and do to get a rise out of you. It is simple psychology and the normal reaction to false accusations is for you to want to defend yourself. By twisting your words and putting words in your mouth your ex can get you so frustrated that you will lash out at him and he will feel justified in breaking up with you. He will tell all his friends and family the things that you said or did and they will agree with him that you are nuts and that he was right in breaking up with you. But how do you turn things around and keep from reacting to his garbage?
Your Emotions - You have several choices when you find yourself in a situation with your ex when you feel like saying something nasty or you feel your blood boiling. You can feel it coming and acknowledging those feelings as you see them coming is very important. Realize what he is doing. Try not to let him know that you know that he is twisting your words around to justify his action of breaking up with you and breaking your heart. With all the power that you have try not to react. There is some truth in the saying that if you don't have something nice to say then say nothing at all. Have pity on him and his simplistic thought pattern and know that deep down inside he knows that what he is doing is wrong. He is hurting someone that loves him more than anyone in the world yet he still feels the need to be ignorant and mean to you. Yes, you deserve better but still you love him.
Once you are able to keep from gutting him like a fish verbally, try thinking about a time when the two of you were in love and you thought that it would never end. Think of a memory that is powerful to you that is filled with positive emotions and love. Think about a time when you knew that he loved you or maybe even when you felt that he loved you more than you loved him.. when he was totally devoted to you and he showed it. Hold on to that memory because that is the reality and all the pain and hate from your breakup is the mistake.
You see, deep down inside that love that he once had for you is still there. That guy that loved you with every bit of his being is still there. Right now things are just a jumbled mess of misunderstandings, bruised egos and twisted words as he builds a wall around his heart vowing never to love you again. But the good news is that this love is still there. It never dies and often by simply breaking the chain of destructive words and emotions you will be able to see that love in his heart if you just give it some time.
The Power of Memories - If you can keep from lashing out at him it might even be helpful if you try using those memories that you have to break his mental state. By stopping him in the middle of an argument or when things seem to be heading south in your conversation you can change the subject and tell him about a particularly happy memory that you have of him. It doesn't have to be to prove to him that you feel that he still loves you or to convince him that you feel that the two of you should still be together. But by just telling him that you were thinking about a particular time when you were happy with him you can plant the seed.
Your ex has the same memories that you have and there were times when he was happy and in love with you too. He might try to deny it or say that he never really loved you but trust me, that one little seed of a memory will begin to work on his mind after you have finished your conversation. He will be helpless not to think about it as he replays your conversation back in his mind. There will be an internal struggle inside of him as he attempts to dismiss it but by simply changing his state by bringing that memory into the foreground of his consciousness that seed of a memory will begin to do it's work.
As an added bonus, you can walk away from that conversation without feeling bad about anything that you said. He will have nothing negative to tell his friends and family and even if he does tell them that you changed the subject and talked about a romantic memory that you had he will look like a jerk for being angry about it. Just remember that you will never be able to convince him to come back to you until you are able to bring out that love that still lives in his heart for you. Only his abiding love will make him want you again and lead to him changing his mind and coming back to you again.