He Wants To End Our Marriage But I Don't
He Wants To End Our Marriage But I Don't
He Wants To End Our Marriage But I Don't
Probably the most frequent visitor to my blog or the most frequent reader of my articles on saving your marriage is the wife who is faced with a husband who wants to end the marriage while she wants to save it. In my experience, very often one spouse desperately wants to patch things up while the other feels that it is too late and just wants to move on. This puts the spouse who wants to rescue the marriage in a position of weakness and at a distinct disadvantage.
But, despite this, I know with absolute certainty that all is not lost and nothing is hopeless. I have seen so many people save their marriages all on their own. The real key to success is hanging in there, taking action that sometimes seems counter to what you feel that you should be doing, and controlling what you can yourself. In this article, I will offer some advice and tips that just may help you save your marriage, all on your own.
Changing Your Husband's Mind About Ending Your Marriage Is A Process: Before I get into the tips that just might turn this thing around, I first need to go into the dynamics that are probably present right now in your marriage. When you see your marriage slipping away, there is a tendency to hold on for dear life. Many wives will begin to act in desperate and unbecoming ways that only push their husband's further away. I know this because I was very guilty of these things myself. I begged. I followed. I engaged. I try to strong arm my husband and / or make him feel guilty. I argued. In essence, he was not listening to anything I was saying. At first, I tried the calm and rational approach, but when it didn't work as quickly as I wanted, I then tried anything I could just to get him to listen or just to get a reaction.
Here's the problem though. This kind of behavior will only be seen by your husband as more proof that this marriage really needs to end. This is only making you look more undesirable and more unstable. In a nutshell, unfortunately, you're only digging a deeper hole for yourself.
There is a better approach, but you must understand that it is a process. It may feel counter intuitive at first. You will have to accept small victories that build on one another until you are back on solid ground.
Encouraging Your Husband To Want To Stay In The Marriage Rather Than Tricking, Strong Arming, Or Convincing Him Not To Leave: Many women ask me "can you give me a letter or tell me what to say to get my husband to stay for one more day," or "if I could just figure out a way to get him to change his mind and stay, it would make all of the difference" Here's what you really need to understand. If you somehow manipulate your husband or wear him down, you are only getting a temporary victory. His heart will not be 100% in it. Things may be calm and good during your make up period, but eventually, you're going to be right back where you are now. And, because he remembers how this incident goes down, he'll be careful not to let it happen again. So, "convincing" him yet again is only going to be that much harder.
Instead, you want to act in such a way that is going to paint you in a positive light. You take the high road and you wait (and you probably won't have to wait as long as you think.) Depending on where you stand right now, you'll either tell your husband that you are no longer going to act in such a way that rips the relationship apart (because he is too important to you and you respect him to much to continue on this way), or, if you won't listen to you, you simply begin acting "as if." What I mean by that is that, as hard as may seem at first, no matter how you are feeling, you act "as if" you're the best version of yourself.
Try to channel the woman that you husband first fell in love with. What was she like? How did she present herself to him? Most all husbands who contact me tell me that they very much miss their wife's light hearted sense of humor, her openness, her attention to his happiness, and how she used to "get" what he was about and what was important to him.
It's highly likely that all of this talk of ending your marriage has brought out someone who you (and your husband) don't quite recognize anymore or feel particularly close to. I know that right now it may seem that I am asking you to do the impossible. It's likely you don't feel very much like putting on a genuine smile and soldering on. You may not want to go out with friends, have a light hearted time, and let this leak back to your husband. But, you must get to a positive, displayed place no matter how you do it, because your husband likely misses this person very much and she's the one who can get him back.
I also know that you might be thinking "well, why I am being asked to make all the changes and do everything myself? He's not doing any of this for me." I know this isn't fair, but in the end, your husband is going to jump on board when you give him more of what he really (deep down) wants (and may not even realize it.) Imagine his surprise when he one day finds that he's being willingly pulled in a direction he thought was gone for good. And, when he is fulfilled and happy this is going to trickle down to you. That's the way that marriage (and the universe) often works. People who are getting their needs met are nicer to be around and are usually more than willing to share the love.
To read my very personal story of how I was able to restore my marriage (after making almost all of the mistakes I discussed in this article), please visit my blog at at http://isavedmymarriage.com
Womens Hairstyles 2010 | Women's Hairstyles He Won't Give Me A Second Chance At Our Marriage. And Now We're Headed For Divorce. Advice That Might Help Unique Gift Ideas For a Special Woman My Husband Wants A Divorce. Can I Still Save My Marriage? How To Get Him Back From The Other Woman How Can a Woman Enlarge Breast Get My Wife Back - 3 Tips to Reconcile With Your Wife Before She Divorces You 2 Tips On How To Mend A Marriage The Disney Princess Girls Bike by Huffy Do You Want to Have a Happy Marriage? Get It with Proven Save Your Marriage Advice! How to Attract a Woman - 3 Little Tips That Payoff BIG Time! How to Approach a Woman and Walk Away With Her Heart Back to Basics: Women's Casual Tops on the Loose