Healing Infidelity's Pain - 5 Steps
Few things are as emotionally painful as betrayal
. The pain of infidelity can be cured, if you choose to try to restore the relationship and forgive. Right now, the pain you're feeling is probably overwhelming. Believe it or not, there advantages to forgiving someone who's cheated on you, even though forgiveness might not seem to make much sense right now. You might be doing this because your feelings for him are still strong, but an even more important reason is that you're doing it for yourself. There are so many ways that forgiving him and rebuilding the relationship will benefit you as well. This has to be a one-shot deal, though - if your boyfriend turns out to be a serial cheater, you've got to dump him. If he seems remorseful and seeks your forgiveness, and wants to rebuild the relationship, then try the following steps:
Healing Infidelity Tip #1
The first step is this: sit down and have an honest talk with him about his infidelity. You've got to find out the real reason underlying his betrayal, which is why, no matter how hard it is to talk about, you've got to do it. If may be that he was going through one of those soul-searching times, or maybe he thought your feelings for him had diminished. When he gives his account of his actions, don't be judgmental and accusing. If he's sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can't say anything to him he hasn't said himself. This discussion is critical to healing the pain of infidelity because you'll be able to tell if he's really sincere.
Healing Infidelity Tip #2
The second step is to uncork your emotions. There's a great deal of emotion bottled up inside you now. Let your emotions out, but make sure nobody's hurt in the process - especially you! Drugs and alcohol, for instance, are far more likely to harm you than let you deal with your emotions. There are healthy ways to express your pain. Two good ways to vent your emotions are to write about them in a journal, or start a regular workout routine and express yourself through the exertion of the workouts. However, don't store those emotions inside you - in the long run, it will harm your mental health. One way that many people have found successful is simply to have a good cry. You must be healed yourself if you're going to heal your relationship.
Healing Infidelity Tip #3
The third step is forgiveness. At this point, if you haven't really forgiven him, there's no point in being in a relationship with your boyfriend. You should be a little more confident now in his sincerity - take the big step and forgive him, let the past stay in the past. Some idiot once said "Love means never having to say you're sorry." While that's doubtful, there's no doubt that love confers the power to say "I forgive you."
Healing Infidelity Tip #4
The fourth step is to consult with a mental health professional. Your relationship needs some professional help, and that means each of you should talk with a counselor. There's one alternative - talk to a mutual friend, someone you both trust, who's had personal experience in this sort of thing. Of course, this will also require some hard work. Remember especially to keep an open mind and listen to what he has to say. You've already been all through the recriminations and accusations - now's the time to listen to each other. Really. The relationship won't be saved by either of you, or both of you, working alone. It can only be restored if you work together.
Healing Infidelity Tip #5
The fifth and final step is to acknowledge that what's done is done. Put it behind you and move on. The kind of pain caused by infidelity can be massive. It takes time to heal with both of you working on it. The pain caused by his cheating isn't going to be healed overnight, especially for you. The healing will come faster, though, if you look forward instead of backward.
Few things approach the pain of infidelity. For the sake of your relationship, I hope that the steps here will help you overcome yours. As they say, sometimes bad things happen to good people. We decide if we're going to react badly to such bad experiences, or if we're going to learn and grow from them.
by: Sarah Scott.
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