How To Find The Path To Recovery After A Divorce?

A divorce can be devastating

A divorce can be devastating. It can create a negative emotional impact on ones life and lead to questions about ones capabilities of forming a lasting relationship. Also, depending on the circumstances that lead to the divorce, it can destroy a persons self confidence, and implant a seed of mistrust to impair future relationships.

The aftermath of a divorce should be a time of serious reassessment. Some people omit this crucial step and rush into dating again simply to fill the void of loneliness. Not only is this a major step for destroying the new relationship, it is also damaging to the newly divorced person because they are living in a state of denial that will eventually undermine every other relationship, and inevitably lead to a lack of confidence in themselves.

The first and foremost path to recovery after a divorce then, is to step back and assess the previous relationship. Try to find out exactly what went wrong that might have led to the divorce. One should especially take note of their contribution to those things, and learn from their mistakes so they are not repeated in future relationships. It is also very important to take time to grieve the loss, and get it out of ones system instead of just shoving it under the carpet and moving on.

The next thing is the forgiveness issue. Forgiving oneself and the former partner is crucial to healing. The divorcee has to let go of self-pity and all loathing and resentments directed against themselves and their former spouse. They need to seek counselling, if that will make it easier. Either way, the forgiveness path must be crossed.

Trust has to be re-built. Divorced people have to learn to trust again, though this is easier said than done, especially if the divorce was brought about by one partners cheating and lying. Know that all people are not made the same and therefore do not have the same character traits. Try to keep an open mind on other people.

Another relationship should be formed only when the divorcee is truly ready to try again. Family and friends who mean well might try to push one to start dating again, and even introduce new people to them. It is all well and good, but the pressure should never be succumbed to. Even so when one is ready to bond again, they must not rush into anything serious. They should tread cautiously and take painstaking steps to study the other person thoroughly.

Experience from the previous marriage can serve as an advantage, and help one take note of some of the qualities in their new friends or steady dates that were lacking in their former spouses and contributed to the divorce.

Above all, life goes on. Divorcees need to trust that just because one relationship failed, this doesnt necessarily mean that they can not find happiness with another person. Never give up hope on finding someone who you will spend the rest of your life with.

by: Angela Selfridge

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