How To Forgive And Not Forget - 5 Truths About Turning Lose Of Hurts

Forgiving someone may be your path to freedom

Forgiving someone may be your path to freedom. But you or someone you love has been hurt and you cannot seem to shake the pain nor the memories. You do not want to forgive them. They do not deserve to be forgiven. Yet, not forgiving them affects you and your mental, emotional and spiritual health. Let's figure out how to deal with this.

Forgiveness is not the act of excusing someone, but releasing them. By excusing I mean to act as if it didn't happen or that they were not guilty or that you were not hurt. To excuse feels like they are getting off free and clear. If forgiveness meant excusing then we'd never forgive. There are people who have hurt you or someone you love and it is inexcusable. That's not what we are dealing with when we forgive.

5 truths about forgiveness:

1. Forgiveness is not based on deserving. Most of the time the other person may not deserve it. That's not the issue with forgiveness. It is much easier if the other person comes to you and asks for forgiveness. But that's still not the basis of forgiveness.

2. Forgiveness is not saying that things are okay now. You should not go back to an abusive relationship on the basis of forgiveness. That's not what it means. We don't have to condone what's been done. What's wrong is still wrong. We do not have to invite the person back into our lives or even be friendly with them.

3. Forgiveness is not about feelings. There are times we do not feel like forgiving those who have wronged us. It is a choice...a good choice. Why? Not forgiving others brings about bitterness. Bitterness has been linked to stress-related illnesses by some medical researchers. By forgiving others, we free ourselves - spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It brings healing for you.

4. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you, for hurting me. It's really all that is required to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We have to allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions associated with that person. As long as we hold onto the pain, we are choosing to allow that person's past actions to continue to hurt us. We can choose to stop letting them hurt us.

5. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. I know that's what you have always heard. Who came up with that? Don't give me those passages from the Bible where God remembers our sins no more and throws them away. That's what God does, but I am not He. Humanly, we are not capable of erasing something from our memory as if it never happened. And neither are we told to. That is not a prerequisite of forgiveness. So quit thinking you have not forgiven someone because the memory of it pops into your head at times.

When you forgive, you are doing something powerful for you. When you hang on to it, it becomes a part of your baggage. It affects everything you do. It damages relationships. You see, choosing not to forgive is the definition of bitterness. Being a bitter person is a miserable life. Turn lose. Let go and let God take care of the wrongs. Do it for yourself. Do it for the ones you love and who love you. You be free and choose today to LIVE FOR KEEPS.

by: Jim Cunningham

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