How to Get Your Husband Back (And Make Him Think It's His Idea)
How to Get Your Husband Back (And Make Him Think It's His Idea)
If you've found this article, I have to assume that for whatever reason, you don't feel as close to your husband as you'd like or you aren't secure in your marriage. Maybe there's distance between you or your husband has asked for a break, separation or divorce. No matter which of these describes your situation, I believe that the process of getting your husband back is the same. In my experience, there are definitely right and wrong ways to get your husband to come back to your loving arms. First, I'll discuss what I think is the wrong way.
What Not To Do To Get Your Husband Back (Mistakes You Shouldn't Make): Probably the most common mistake that I see is wives going all out to try and get their husband's attention. I know this very intimately because I did this myself. First, I tried to reason with my husband. Then, I got angry when he wouldn't play this game and would argue with him about things which weren't really the core issue. Then, when we were both angry, I would follow him, acting irrationally, just trying to get any reaction. I figured anything was better than his ignoring me. Of course, afterward I was embarrassed by and deeply regretted these actions. But, by then it was too late to take them back and they only drove my husband further away.
It's so important that you try to act calmly. If your marriage is in trouble or there is distance between you, then there's a good chance there are negative feelings that are seriously damaging the relationship. So, you can't afford to engage in behavior that is going to make more negative feelings and pour gasoline on an already smoldering fire. Here's what you should instead and here is what is going to make your husband WANT to come back to you on his own.
Get Your Husband Back By Restoring The Positive Feelings You Used To Share: Again, I don't know your situation or how much your marriage is already damaged. I do know though, that to get your marriage back to a loving, committed, and pleasurable place, you'll need to begin creating positive feelings to replace the negative ones. My aunt used to say "play it with kindness," or "kill them with kindness," and I used to think she was disillusioned or nave, but I now know she was actually very cunning and this was part of her plan all along.
The truth is, if you really want to get your husband back, it's important that this is his idea and that he doesn't feel manipulated or feel like he "is giving in," or that his wife has "won" or "beaten him."
However, while it needs to be his idea, there's nothing that says that you can't genuinely and with a loving, open heart change your behavior to lure his thinking your way.
Encouraging Your Husband To Fall In Love With You Again: Think back to when you and your husband were first dating or were falling in love. It's highly likely that his happiness was your highest priority and vice versa. You both probably poured a lot of care into the relationship and this was reflected back in its intensity and the happiness it generated. I'd also be willing to bet that when you fought, you made up quickly without much fanfare. People who love each other very much generally don't want to waste their time on petty arguments. You need to get back to this place. How?
Well, you actually have an advantage here. Who knows your husband, and his wants, needs, fears, and desires most besides himself? You, of course. In fact, you knew him so well once upon a time that you used this knowledge to meet his needs and make him happy. It worked. He fell in love with and married you.
So, you have to repeat this process and do it again, in the circumstances which are today. Yes, this may take a while longer and pose its own challenges, but I know it can be done because I have done it myself.
I know you may be saying "well, I'm not young and beautiful anymore," or "why am I the one doing all of the work?" Those are both valid questions, but you need to understand two things. The first is, most men care more about how you make them feel than about how you look. A woman with an open heart, ready smile, sense of humor, and willingness to be attentive to her husband's feelings is going to appeal to a man more than a woman who looks like Paris Hilton, but who is ice cold.
And, know that giving your husband more of what he wants is going to give you more of what you want. You give a little, you get a little. It's a win win situation all the way around.
I often have people tell me things like "my husband won't speak to me," or "I can't show my husband my best self because he ignores me." These are valid issues, but the methods for getting him back and saving the marriage are the same. You just have to move slower and take small baby steps. Each little success will build upon another until you start to slowly rebuild affection, intimacy, trust and eventually the commitment that happily married people share.
How do I know this? Because I've lived it. But, through making a lot of mistakes, research, and trying new things. Eventually, (though commitment and lots of effort), I was able to not only save the marriage, but make it stronger (when I was the only one interested.) You can read my very personal story of how I stopped the divorce (when I was the only one interested in doing so) on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
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