Humor Column: Christmas Cookie Tin 2010
Humor Column: Christmas Cookie Tin 2010
Humor Column: Christmas Cookie Tin 2010
It's December 24th and my brother and his wife sent me a tin of cookies and chocolate for Christmas. That's nice. All the different confections are in separate plastic bags with decorative ties. Classy. (The good thing is now I have a supply of treats to last until at least the Sugar Bowl. We are lucky Ohio State is even IN the Sugar Bowl with all of the championship ring selling and tattoo getting. But that's another story.)
For now I am just going to have some of this white chocolate. Actually, it's not even chocolate because white chocolate doesn't have cocoa in it. What I can report is that it is really, really good. Maybe too sweet. There are about 8 pieces in the little bag. I'm just going to have 3 and close it up for later. It's A Wonderful Life is on. I love this movie. I like how Uncle Billy stumbles in to all those trash cans and makes a huge ruckus and George just stares at him.
Man, I shouldn't have the rest of these pieces but the bag is already open. That's way too much sugar for one person. Especially with my current weight. Wow, those pieces are smaller than they looked originally.
Hey, what are these things? They look like coconut clusters. Nice and heavy. Good cookies always feel heavier and more substantial than the everyday kind. You know, the kind that come in a big bag. The kind that you eat half the bag before you realize it. These are GOOD cookies. These you SAVOR. You don't eat them like potato chips during the football game or a good Saturday afternoon movie. It's like the difference in fourth grade between your school clothes' and your after-school clothes.'
Outside I can see people coming back from midnight mass. It's 1115pm. Yes, many parishes around here celebrate Christmas Midnight Mass at 10pm. Sure, why not? And let's move the Sunday midday mass to 9am and serve a continental breakfast as well. Anything to be modern.
Holy moley, all those coconut clusters are gone. Did I drop a few on the floor? Well, I really didn't eat that many calories at breakfast this morning. Or dinner last night. So if you take the whole week into account, it's probably okay. It never works if you try to severely restrict calories.
The normal TV weather lady is on vacation. All I can say about her is she is a total 10 out of 10. Not a 9.9. A full-on 10. Today they have another lady who looks new to me. All I can say about her is she is a 9.9. Not a 9.8. A full-on 9.9.
Here's an old friend! Chocolate Chip Cookies. Yes! Not those store-bought chocolate chip cookies that taste like cardboard left in the rain. Maybe I'll just have one. Oh, that just melts in your mouth. Perfect amount of chips per cookie. Here's to you (raises glass to TV) Chocolate Chip Cookie Baker Lady or Guy! If you die tomorrow you should know you did a good thing on this Earth by making great cookies. Go forth into heaven and bake more cookies there.
There's some carolers outside-- loud and off-key. I heard about these guys. They go around caroling at 11pm until 4 in the morning. Extreme caroling,' they call it. Unfortunately, the local citizenry is not happy with the caroler's late night version of good cheer. In fact, they are really mad about it. Extreme violence,' we call that in the city.
Ohmigosh. All of the chocolate chip cookies are gone. Maybe some fell in the waste bin by mistake when I pulled the tin off the table next to me to grab a couple.
The sports anchorman is showing a huge fight between two Mississippi State basketball players in the stands at the Hawaii Airlines Diamond Head Classic Tournament. They are really swinging. It turns out they are room-mates. I'm guessing they are taking different flights home.
What? There is only one bag of cookies left in the tin? Do I own a dog that I don't know about that ate all this stuff? Wait, these are not cookies. This is fudge. Really thick and a little gooey. Better save that for tomorrow or next week. Okay, I'll have one just to tastewoah! That's good. They seem like little pieces, though. I'll just have a couple more. They are so small that a few little ones probably equals one normal size one.
The pope is on TV. He's a rock star. People are going crazy. The choir sounds tremendous. I wonder if he keeps cookies in his big hat? It looks like you could even get a glass of milk in there.
Why don't they make packaging like they used to? The plastic bag holding the fudge must have ripped and maybe some fell out because they are all gone. What happened to quality manufacturing?
The cookie tin is empty. Well, it's time to go to bed and wait for Santa. My hands are shaking and I feel light headed but that's probably my allergies.
Merry Christmas.
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