I Can Not Understand Why My Husband Had An Affair
Over the weekend, I received an email in which a wife asked for my help in "understanding
why my husband would have an affair." She confided that the "other woman" wasn't even attractive, was actually older than both she and her husband, and really didn't seem to bring anything to the table that was lacking in the marriage. Try as this wife might, she just could not wrap her brain around what would make her husband cheat in this way. I will tell you what I told her about this in the following article.
Some Reasons That Otherwise Happily Married Men Cheat: I think what was confusing this wife so badly was the fact that she thought that their marriage was a happy one and that her husband was now insisting that he was not really unhappy and that he really didn't know "why" he had acted this way. The husband was insisting that he loved his wife, loved their life, and loved their marriage. He kept repeating that he just had a momentary lapse of judgment which would not happen again.
The wife, however, could not wrap her brain about this. Why on earth would someone who was supposedly happy jeopardize their marriage in this way? There are many reasons that men give me when I discuss this with them. But, it often comes down to their feeling vulnerable or inadequate in some way. It often has more to do with the feelings that he is lacking about himself than about the feelings that he lacks for you. In fact, many men tell me that the affair or fling had very little to do with their wife. Some men do not have the self awareness to realize this and will instead blame the marriage or its shortcomings. However, often with a little digging, it becomes evident that the guy was vulnerable or doubtful in some way.
Perhaps he's having trouble with getting older or he feels his job is in jeopardy. He might feel inadequate, misunderstood, orfeels some weakness that he's trying to forget about. The list is really endless here, but often he sees the affair as a temporary fix to his problem. Typically, he does not intend for it to become a long term thing, but it is often emotional in nature. Often when I tell people this, they will assume that he's emotionally wrapped up in the other woman. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say that he becomes wrapped up in the way that she is able to make him feel about himself.
What implication does this offer for you? Well, hopefully, it tells you that there wasn't anything in particular that was special about her or anything that she has that you don't. It often means that he didn't want to show you this kind of vulnerability so he took this baggage somewhere else. Believe it or not, often when a man says he does love you and the marriage, he's not being completely untruthful. Often, his feelings haven't totally changed. He has just, for whatever reason, chose to get this need met someplace else. This decision was obviously a huge mistake, but it doesn't always mean that he doesn't love you or doesn't want you.
Understand That You May Not Ever Fully Understand The ReasoningBehind His Affair: I had to tell the wife that she might not ever understand exactly why her husband cheated. There are many reasons for this, but one of the most persuasive is that she could not wrap her brain around this because she herself would never act in this manner. She had never been unfaithful and likely never would be. She was the type of person who would go to her husband before she went outside of the marriage. So, it was therefore not going to be likely that she could understand the behavior of someone who did not see this in the same way.
I honestly feel that sometimes it is healthier for you to understand that you might never fully get to the bottom of exactly WHYthis happened. There are so many variables and you just can not feel or think exactly as someone else does. Unfortunately, you can not control this. But, what you can control is how you move forward and what you do next.
It really comes down to if you really do want to move forward or if you are still stuck in the past. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you probably won't completely understand this, but you can control how the two of you move forward to create a new marriage that has the safeguards in place that are going to ensure that this never happens again. You also need torestore your self esteem and confidence so that you no longer need to dwell on this quite so much, as you will eventually have the quiet confidence to know that you can handle any aspect of this.
I know that trying to understand this is very difficult. Sometimes, it helps to focus on moving forward instead. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can reada
very personal story on my blog at
http://surviving-the-affair.com/ I Can Not Understand Why My Husband Had An Affair
By: Katie Lersch
The Diary Of Ignited Mind ! Find The Best Gas Supplier A Word On Pua Openers By Alphawolf Hyundai Dealers Magic Cubesperfect For Your Spending Time Billy Mays - AKA "The OxiClean Guy" Poor Posture Etait-ce Le Parler? tait-ce Une Sensation? How A Secret 20 Minute Payday Made Me Wealthy Need For Crude Oil Desander Mini Halogen Lights Vs Led Light Bars Jumper 2 Movie What To Consider When Choosing A Hiking Trail