Intuitive Coaching Lesson - Accepting Differences in Individual Behavior

Intuitive Coaching Lesson - Accepting Differences in Individual Behavior

One of my favorite intuitive coaching lessons is about accepting differences in individual behavior. It's one of my favorites because it is really hard to do. As an intutitive coach, I consistently remind my clients that the most valuable lessons are the hardest to learn and carry out.Honoring differences in individual behavior is not the same as controlling behavior or behavior management. These are generally connected with unacceptable behavior, and two people can behave differently under a certain situation without either necessarily being wrong or unacceptable. It's quite obvious that others often have different interests or beliefs. It's also clear that trying to change someone else doesn't work for either of you. For example, instead of trying to be right and convincing another to behave as you do, (which, by the way, never works) you may well find that your individual behavior complement each other.Let's take a case in point. My husband Dave and I are very much alike and share many common interests. We are also very different in some ways. One area in which we differ is in how we approach a task. I like to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible. I dive into it and focus on only the task at hand. Dave takes his time and is more relaxed about when things get done.One day we were involved in fixing things around the house. We needed some tools to complete the task and went to Home Depot. My mind was on the task at hand, knowing that we had plans for the evening. I felt that we needed to work quickly on the repairs so that we'd be finished before dinner.When we arrived at Home Depot I went right for the aisle where our tools would be and found an employee to help me find the correct tool. I directly asked for what I was looking for, and when he answered I went for the tool. This is when our individual behavior differences became apparent. Dave was appalled! He felt that I'd mistreated the employee. His approach would have been to introduce himself to the guy, be friendly and make some pleasant conversation before asking for information. I felt like I didn't have time for all the conversation, and perhaps also the guy who was working didn't. I just wanted to get the job done. Our different approach caused an argument and tension between us for some time. Since our objective was love and peace between us, we worked together with this issue, doing our best to accept each other unconditionally.It soon became obvious that our differing styles and individual behavior are actually complementary. I get the job done and Dave's the PR guy. Dave will gather information while I get the tool or products we need. And, after being around him for some time I find myself asking people's names and taking a little more time with them - even though I'm on a "mission." Dave, on the other hand, has become a lot more focused on the task at hand.I'm learning that the individual behavior patterns in others that cause me the most angst (other than negative behaviors) are often the ones that complement me and teach me the most. Rather than controlling the behavior of others, perhaps it might be better to understand them and determine how their approach complements yours.

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