Learning How To Discuss Finances
Financial problems and arguments are among the top things that can destroy marriages
. Do not let your financial problems ruin your marriage.
Even though you may have many financial commitments, you can discuss them with your spouse without argument. You must be open minded and willing to listen, but tight financial times does not need mean you have to argue to get the other person to understand.
As a household you will be responsible for birthday expenses, utilities, car payments, student loan payments, your credit card debt, grocery and clothing expenses, taxes and so forth. Often one of the most stressful financial times is when taxes are due.
Many feel that the tax forms are unnecessarily complicated. The consequences of messing up on the taxes are a tremendous pressure for many families who have neither the time nor money to pay for fees and fill out extra paperwork.
Others feel like they may be paying too much and are missing some of the deductions they are eligible for. If taxes always end in arguments, preserving your marriage is vital.
You may want to hire a professional to deal with your taxes instead so that you do not have to feel stressed and put the strain on your marriage. On the other hand, learning how to handle things without breaking into argument could be one of the most important things you learn.
This principle will apply to many other situations in life other than finances as well. It may be easier to do the job yourself or pass it to your spouse, but you must avoid this temptation at all costs.
It is critical that you plan and review your finances together. If one of you handles the finances, that person will become the bad cop.
As a result, it will become more and more difficult to talk about finances in a civil manner. You must avoid creating a bad cop at all costs.
It is likely that the first discussion of finances will be the most difficult. During this discussion you have to talk about your spending habits, what areas you feel are the most important, and how much you can actually afford among other things.
However, the monthly discussions following this first discussion should be much easier than the first one. During these discussions, you should pay the bills together and set goals.
These goals should be both short and long term. A few examples of goals that you may want to set include paying off the credit card debt, saving up enough for a down payment on a car, or paying off a student loan.
Be sure to celebrate when you achieve one of your goals. Go on a special date night or do something else that is special.
By achieving these goals together, you will grow closer as a couple. These discussions can happen more often if needed, but they should not happen any less than once a month.
You will both need to check in with one another and make sure you are on the same plan. If after several tries, you simply cannot hold a financial discussion without argument, you will need to find a mediator to help you get on the right track.
This mediator should be unbiased and capable of maintaining positive communication. The source of the problem may be secretive spending by you or your spouse.
While what you spent the money on is very important to you, you may fear what your spouse will say. By having a mediator there, you may have some moral support and you may be able to realize that your spouse loves you and will not become exceptionally angry.
After a few meetings with the mediator, you may be able to hold financial discussions with only your spouse again after awhile. Learning to have financial discussions is part of learning to fully trust one another and to work as a team.
Of course, this can require you to put your own desires behind you and to sacrifice for your family. The sacrifice will bring you closer together.
Even if you do not argue, talking about finances is a hard thing to do. After you have finished discussing it you should do something you feel is uplifting with your spouse.
This will help smooth over any anxious feelings that arouse during your finance discussion. Do something as simple as taking a walk, going out to dinner, or playing a game together.
by: Jack Landry
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